My motto every year is usually, “When all else fails, booze up and watch the Golden Girls,” but I may change it up for 2016 and follow David Lynch’s pro tip. In an old interview that’s been making the rounds again, noted doughnut-head David Lynch dropped some life advice that Homer Simpson can definitely get into:
“There’s the doughnut and there’s the hole, and you should keep your eye on the doughnut… The hole is so deep and so bad. The doughnut is a beautiful thing.”
So basically, David Lynch wants everyone to get diabetes.
On one hand, you should definitely keep your eye on the doughnut, because you never know when that dark-sided girl Damian from HELL, Ariana Grande Latte, is going to taint it by dropping her demon saliva on it. But on the other hand, if you’re a top, you need to do the opposite of David Lynch’s advice. You should focus on the hole, because it’s the worst when you slip out while thrusting and poke the side. That ruins everything.