Oh Instagram – forever holding up your reputation as the drama-loving shit-starting troublemaker of the social media world.
So while the rest of us spent the days leading up to Christmas getting lit on Nasty Nogs (vodka and eggnog-flavored vodka enhancer) and practicing our surprised face for when we opened our stockings and discovered the homemade heavily-Photoshopped Jon Hamm 2016 Dick-A-Day desk calendar we slipped in when no one was looking, Madonna was in court.
Madonna’s 15-year-old son Rocco Ritchie wanted to spend Christmas with his dad, Guy Ritchie, in London. I guess Madonna was feeling her inner Clark W. Griswold and wanted a big old-fashioned family Christmas, but it didn’t happen. Rocco ignored the judge’s orders and spent Christmas with his dad in Corgi Country. All this pre-Santa drama left us scratching our heads and wondering who to point our “YOU DID THIS!” finger at, and Page Six says that some people are throwing theirs in the direction of Madonna’s Instagram account.
Page Six put on their nosy aunt pants and casually brought up that time Madonna posted a slow-motion video of Rocco doing a back flip in his underwear and upped the not-right factor by hashtagging it “#nosausage“. And because I’m already wearing my nosy aunt pants, I’ll meet their #nosausage and raise them that time cool mom Madonna threw up a picture of Rocco boxing and went full-cringe with her hashtag game. I’m sure there’s more out there, but I’m too tired from Boxing Day shopping to search for more through all the popped-crotch pics and middle-aged masking doll selfies in Madonna’s Instagram feed.
And it sounds like Rocco is as over Instagram as he is with his mom; he set his Instagram account to private shortly after he told a friend he wasn’t spending Christmas with Madonna. As expected, Madonna dragged him back into that mess by posting a Christmas Day picture of the two of them from August with the caption “Merry X-mas to the Sun-shine of my Life!” Well, at least she didn’t tag his junk this time. Or maybe she’s saving it for a very special New Years post? Yeah, probably.