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December 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Loving You Barbie!

If the year was 1984 again, you’d probably find my little gay ass playing with the Loving You Barbie my sister got for Christmas. The one that when she opened up, I screamed louder than her. She probably handed it over with a sigh while knowing that in a few days her Loving You Barbie would have a jacked-up pixie cut and a busted dye job. (I don’t know why, but I lived for cutting off the hair of my sister’s Barbies and I’d use my markers to color their hair.)

Loving You Barbie was NO Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie. But she did come before Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie and I remember her being one of the IT Barbies of 1983 or 1984. She was done up like an 80s prom version of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland and she came with a stamp that said “I Heart You” and some stickers. Loving You Barbie was so busy loving you that she didn’t have time to fix her wonky hairline. No, her triangle protractor hairline was done on purpose. Since it was the 80s, a triangle protractor hairline was a must-have, because it really made your side ponytail pop.

And here’s the commercial that will make you ask the question, “Err, was Ecstasy big in 1983, because everyone in this commercial is obviously rolling since there’s a lot of loving going on.”

There’s so much love going on in that commercial that it’s brainwashed me into wanting to sing “looooooving you Barbieeeee” while writing love notes to Barbie. I swear, Barbie is the most dangerous cult leader of our time.

Pic: Pinterest

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