Unless there was a Golden Girls Lego set or a rubber replica of Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda waiting for you under the tree, these genteel and graceful pictures of our patron saint of elegance Phoebe Price are probably the greatest gift you’ve gotten this year.
Praise be to the baby Jesus, because if he was never born, Chicken Cutlets would never have a reason to serve up her free-range uncooked Butterball butt cheeks and caged crotch giblets for the paps. (Okay, she’d do it anyway and she has, but still.) While other A-list superstars spend their holiday doing staged charity photo shoots at homeless shelters and hospitals, PP truly gave back to humanity by giving us a picture of her pretending to squirt out poultry pussy juice in the middle of what looks like a dog park. I know that you really want to send Chicken Cutlets the contents of your checking account as a thank you for this beautiful present, but she doesn’t want your money. She does this out of the goodness of her charitable chicken heart.
Merry Christmass, everyone! I hope your holiday is filled with nothing but good dick and happiness. (“You obviously don’t want me to be happy since you threw up close-up pictures of PP’s Christmas dinner ass.” -you “That’s a good point.” – me)