Crispy Ronaldo should’ve really added 93 octane fuel to the gay rumors by opening up his house tour video with: “Well, hello, and welcome to my home.”
Believe it or not, Crispy Ronaldo doesn’t live in a giant tanning booth where the lamps on his ceiling keep his skin as crispy as a roasted chicken at all times. Crispy lives in a cokehead’s dreamland. The waxed and fried football-playing wonder showed off his house in Madrid for the sports website Unscriptd and it looks like the lair of a super villain in a Euro soap opera. It’s pretty much a shrine to Crispy since everywhere he turns he can get a clear glimpse of his gorgeous face. I will say that Crispy has exquisite taste. Every home needs a leopard bedspread and a Wheel of Fortune ceramic dog.
I really shouldn’t shame Crispy for living in a cave of mirrors. I should praise him! Whenever he feels that a not-wanted eyebrow hair has sprouted up, he can quickly pull his tweezers out of his pocket and turn to one of the five hundred mirrored walls in his house to get rid of it. All of those mirrors are the secret to his impeccable eyebrow situation.
And here’s a topless Crispy assuming the position in Miami yesterday: