People says that noted pussy lover and Tila Tequila’s one-time piece (2009 was a weird time) Billy Corgan made a baby with his girlfriend of 2 years Chloe Mendel, who is a singer-songwriter type and daughter of fashion designer Gilles Mendel. 48-year-old Billy and 22-year-old Chloe live in Chicago together and both work at his tea shop/art studio Madame ZuZu’s. (Fun fact: Chloe was born two years after Smashing Pumpkins’ first album came out. We’re all old and I can feel my pubes turning white.) Chloe birthed out a baby pumpkin prince on November 16 and Billy’s rep just got around to telling everyone it happened. And sadly, Billy didn’t name his son, Stay Away From Rose McGowan Corgan.
The singer-songwriter and Chloe Mendel welcomed their first child, son Augustus Juppiter Corgan, on Monday, Nov. 16, his rep confirms to PEOPLE.
They should’ve went with “Augustus Gloop,” because I speak for all of us when I say that every time we see the name “Augustus” we automatically see “Gloop” after it. I don’t even know what a “Juppiter” is. Did Billy and Chloe just throw that extra p in there to up the fuckery factor? I Googled “Juppiter” and the only thing that came up was a page saying that “juppiter” is an alternative form of “luppiter” and “luppiter” is Latin for Jupiter. There’s nothing more hipster than naming your baby after the alternative form of a Latin name for a Roman God. Well, when Augustus Juppiter gets older, he can start a space-themed electro band with Rocket Zot and Pilot Inspektor.
And I really hope that Kim Gordon sends Billy a note that reads: “Congrats on your newborn, but you’re still the biggest fucking crybaby in your house.”