R. Kelly Was Asked About The Sexual Assault Allegations Against Him And It Went Really, Really Well

December 21, 2015 / Posted by:

While wearing a bootleg Shaft costume from a discount Halloween store, R. Kelly did an interview with HuffPost Live and it went so good that he ended up throwing a hissy fit (better than a pissy fit, I guess) before quitting that bitch. The only thing Woody Allen’s favorite R&B singer wanted to talk about was his album and his own greatness. It’s nice knowing that R. Kelly’s head is still filled with a giant pile of mashed delusion.

R. Kelly recently ass queefed up a video where he blamed the low sales of his new album on “computers” and lack of support. Caroline Modarressy-Tehrani of HuffPost Live brought up that video and then asked him if he feels like fans have a hard time getting into his music because they can’t get past all of the heinous and dark-sided things he’s been accused of doing. R. Kelly sort of answered her at first, but when she wanted to get deeper, her got angrier and mouth burped about how everywhere he goes he’s golden showered with love and he accused her of bringing on the negativity for “ratings.” R. Kelly also tried to prove that her questions were irrelevant by asking her if she gets drunk and he also name-dropped the McRib. If you can take the insufferableness of it all, it starts at around the 6:35 mark. There are many, many painful things about this interview, but one of the most painful is not being able to take a Magic Eraser to that sad goatee that looks like it was drawn on with a faded marker.

And I’m kind of surprised that R. Kelly didn’t piss on her at the end. What am I saying? R. Kelly would never piss on her. She’s not a 14-year-old girl.

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