Usually when I think of the word ugly, my brain immediately pulls out the old Pictonary pad and starts sketching the look of disgust I get from my server at Cracker Barrel every time I ask if the kitchen can mix some sawmill gravy into the scrambled eggs in my Sunrise Sampler. But apparently there is one person who looks at Amy Schumer’s Made by Xavier Roberts face and get the dry heaves.
While talking to The Hollywood Reporter about writing and sexism and the internet, America’s cool older second cousin told a story about how she was afraid to read the nasty shit people would say about her looks on the internet after her movie Trainwreck came out. Fortunately, she didn’t have to use the shovel she bought at Home Depot to dig herself out of the mountain of #OMGSOFUGLY comments, because there really wasn’t any. And most of them came from one person, who clearly had a case of reverse booty blindness, because after he farted on her appearance, he combed his hair, put on a tie, and went a-courtin’.
“With Trainwreck coming out, I was like, “Everyone’s going to say, ‘She’s not pretty enough to be in this movie.’ ” And then only one dude wrote that, and people really attacked him, and then he redacted that and wanted to date me. I’ve been waiting for this rainstorm of hate, and it’s never really come.”
Amy doesn’t name names (RUDE), but E! Online seems to think it was probably a writer named Jeffrey Wells. Earlier this year, Jeffrey Wells wrote a review of Trainwreck and Amy’s face that included such Hallmark Valentine’s Day card-worthy poetry like “Schumer’s wide facial features reminded me of a blonde Lou Costello” and “Jennifer Aniston’s somewhat heavier, not-as-lucky sister who watches a lot of TV.” In case your curious what the guy who called Amy Schumer a blonde Lou Costello looks like, here you go. Yes, he’s basically a real-life M’Lady.
I doubt Emmy-winning millionaire famous person Amy Schumer really cares that some random dude thinks she looks like a dried fart. On the upside, she has another story for when she and Jennifer Lawrence play “OMG I’m so rill” at their next BFF sleepover. “He called me Jennifer Aniston’s heavier sister who watches a lot of TV, then asked me if I wanted to go to the Olive Garden. Like, I’m basically the rillest.”
Speaking of, here’s Amy’s BFF (who no doubt countered her story with one about letting a dude she was fucking wax her lady moustache or something) in London.