For those of you thinking “What in the ever-loving hell is a Swiftmas“, allow me to explain: it’s a made-up word that might soon get your ass sued into the poor house by Taylor Swift’s team of trademark lawyers if you dare utter it. Even though Tay Tay’s monthly bank statements read “Current Balance: $$$RICH AS FUCK“, UsWeekly says the world’s wealthiest American Girl doll has gone ahead and decided to trademark some more words.
According to a blog called Tantalizing Trademarks (which totally sounds like a burlesque club for patent attorneys), Tay Tay’s people have applied for trademarks for the words “Swiftmas“, “Blank Space“, “And I’ll Write Your Name“, “A Girl Named Girl“, and “1989“. Good lord, you know your Get Money Game is out of control when you try to trademark a year. While we’re still allowed to talk about it without receiving an angry cease-and-desist letter, Swiftmas is the annual holiday tradition where Taylor Swift creeps on a bunch of her fans and puts together Christmas presents for them. And now their Swiftmas gifts will come with a legal document about trademark violation taped to the top of the box and directions to the nearest notary public.
If the trademark office stamps APPROVED on Tay Tay’s list, they’ll join her collection of trademarked phrases, which includes her name, “T. S.“, “Party Like It’s 1989“, “Cause We Never Go Out Of Style”, “Could Show You Incredible Things“, “Nice To Meet You. Where You Been?“, and the most cringeworthy jewel in her Pretty Pretty Princess crown, “This Sick Beat.”
That is so many goddamn words. When will it end? You’re right, it never will. It’s only a matter of time before Tay Tay owns the rights to so many phrases that we’re forced to cut her a check every time we open our mouths. Here’s the future owner of 1/25th of the words in the dictionary arriving from Australia at LAX last night.