When Goopy Paltrow found out that her Goop pop-up store in Manhattan got robbed of $173,000 in jooree last week, she didn’t scream for the guvnah or for Scotland Yard. Goopy queefed out a steamed ball of excitement over how much publicity her temporary emporium of way-overpriced shit would get. That’s how Goopy’s mom Blythe Danner makes it sound anyway. The thieves got away with a $106,000 vintage Bulgari bracelet, a $43,730 David Weiss bracelet and three Rolexes totaling $23,465. At the New York Women in Film & Television lunch, Page Six asked Blythe Danner about the Goop store getting burgled (Side note: I bust out a giggle on the inside every time I type “burgled.” It’s the litte things…) and she said that Goopy thinks it’s good publicity.
“I called her immediately. And she said, ‘Oh, Mom, it’s OK. It’s good publicity.’ She always has a good spin on things, and I admire her tenacity and her upbeat message.”
Page Six channeled their inner Detective La Toya and asked the question, “Was the heist at Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop store a publicity stunt?” The plot thickens like Goopy’s clit whenever she thinks about getting her vagina steamed. Goopy better find out how to make a vagina steamer out of a hot plate, an empty tin can and unfiltered tap water in prison, because Page Six is on the case. But seriously…
Goopy doesn’t care, because I’m sure all that crap was insured and even though her head is firmly shoved up delusion’s ass, she probably knows that nobody was ever going to buy that crap anyway. So Goop will probably get their money back (hmmm…). But I don’t think she would care even if it wasn’t insured. Goopy flushes $173,000 down her toilet almost every week. No, really the liquid gold and pink dolphin tears enema she gives herself every week costs $173,000.
And here’s possible criminal STUNT QUEEN Goopy Paltrow at Rob Lowe’s Walk of Fame ceremony in Hollywood the other day.