The Golden Globe Nominations Are Out….And None For Johnny Depp

December 10, 2015 / Posted by:

This morning, the Golden Globes announced the names of the acting hos who will get shit-faced as Ricky Gervais roasts their assholes raw, and Johnny Depp is not going to be one of those hos. Johnny Depp was nominated for a SAG for Black Mass and everyone is saying he’s on the short-list for an Oscar, but this morning, he’s using one of the 15 scarves around his neck to dry the greasy eyeliner tears streaming down his cheek, because those GG whores shut him out. Boo and Pistol better picket outside of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s headquarters today!

Some of the TV nominations made me pour another shot of liquid meth into my coffee, because I wasn’t sure I was reading that shit right. The Golden Globe messes chose to honor Lady Gaga (for American Horror Story: Hotel) and her music video acting and WTF accent. They also gave a nomination to Rachel Bloom for My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which I watch and I think I’m the only one who does. I love it because it’s like a recurring acid trip and as a native child of the San Gabriel Valley, I have to watch it since it takes place in West Covina, CA. Mad Men only got one nomination and they left out The Leftovers, Getting On (FUCK THEM FOR THAT!) and The Americans. They also finally pulled their tongue out of Modern Family’s ass.

As for the movie nominations, Carol got the most. Both Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara are in the Best Actress category.

Alicia Vikander is a damn SLYCIC, because a few months ago she “predicted” that she’s going to the Oscars. The thirst is paying off! Alicia got two nominations: one for Ex Machina and one for The Danish Girl. Spotlight got nominated for Best Drama, but got a handful of butt dust in the acting categories. The Martian and Joy both ended up in the comedy categories. Since they treated Joy as a comedy, they should’ve given Melissa Rivers a nomination. Jennifer Lawrence was nominated, of course, and she’s battling it out against her best friend forever Amy Schumer. Yeah, those two will be at the Golden Globes together so I’m sure fart-induced hijinks will ensue!

All of the nominations are after the cut. The Golden Globes will happen on January 10th, that’s if God doesn’t throw a lightning bolt at Hollywood before then. Because Meryl Streep was in two movies this year (Suffragette and Ricki and the Flash) and she didn’t get one nomination. I’m pretty sure that the 11th commandment is Thou Shalt Not Snub Meryl Streep.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Revenant

Best Motion Picture, Comedy
The Big Short
The Martian

Best Director – Motion Picture
Todd Haynes, Carol
Alejandro Iñárritu, The Revenant
Tom McCarthy, Spotlight
George Miller, Mad Max
Ridley Scott, The Martian

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Cate Blanchett, Carol
Brie Larson, Room
Rooney Mara, Carol
Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn
Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy
Jennifer Lawrence, Joy
Melissa McCarthy, Spy
Amy Schumer, Trainwreck
Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van
Lily Tomlin, Grandma

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Jane Fonda, Youth
Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight
Helen Mirren, Trumbo
Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina
Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Bryan Cranston, Trumbo
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant
Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs
Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl
Will Smith, Concussion

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Christian Bale, The Big Short
Steve Carell, The Big Short
Matt Damon, The Martian
Al Pacino, Danny Collins
Mark Ruffalo, Infinitely Polar Bear

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Paul Dano, Love & Mercy
Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation
Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies
Michael Shannon, 99 Homes
Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Emma Donoghue, Room
Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight
Charles Randolph, Adam McKay, The Big Short
Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs
Quentin Tarantino, The Hateful Eight

Best Animated Feature Film
The Good Dinosaur
Inside Out
The Peanuts Movie
Shaun the Sheep Movie

Best Original Song – Motion Picture
“Love Me Like You Do” 50 Shades of Grey
“One Kind of Love” Love and Mercy
“See You Again” Furious 7
“Simple Song No. 3” Youth
“Writing’s on the Wall” Spectre

Best Original Score
Carter Burwell, Carol
Alexandre Desplat, The Danish Girl
Ennio Morricone, The Hateful Eight
Daniel Pemberton, Steve Jobs
Ryuichi Sakamoto Alva Noto, The Revenant

Best Motion Picture, Foreign Language
The Brand New Testament
The Club
The Fencer
Son of Saul

Best TV Series, Drama
Game of Thrones
Mr. Robot

Best TV Series, Comedy
Mozart in the Jungle
Orange Is the New Black
Silicon Valley

Best TV Movie or Limited-Series
American Crime
American Horror Story: Hotel
Flesh and Bone
Wolf Hall

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama
Caitriona Balfe, Outlander
Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder
Eva Green, Penny Dreadful
Taraji P. Henson, Empire
Robin Wright, House of Cards

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy
Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend
Jamie Lee Curtis, Scream Queens
Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep
Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Lilly Tomlin, Grace & Frankie

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited-Series, or TV Movie
Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Regina King, American Crime
Judith Light, Transparent
Maura Tierney, The Affair

Best Actress in a Limited-Series or TV Movie
Kirsten Dunst, Fargo
Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel
Sarah Hay, Flesh & Bone
Felicity Huffman, American Crime
Queen Latifah, Bessie

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Rami Malek, Mr. Robot
Wagner Moura, Narcos
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy
Aziz Ansari, Master of None
Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle
Rob Lowe, The Grinder
Patrick Stewart, Blunt Talk
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited-Series or TV Movie
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall
Ben Mendelson, Bloodline
Tobias Menzies, Outlander
Christian Slater, Mr. Robot

Best Actor in a Limited-Series or TV Movie
Idris Elba, Luther
Oscar Isaac, Show Me a Hero
David Oyelowo, Nightingale
Mark Rylance, Wolf Hall
Patrick Wilson, Fargo


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