During an appearance on Live! with Kelly and Michael on Friday, Justin Theroux admitted that Jennifer Aniston almost became a widow during their group honeymoon in Bora Bora, thanks to a scuba diving fuck-up. Justin says he had such a fun time looking for Nemo and Dory during a scuba diving excursion one day, that he decided to go back again the next day and bring some of his friends. This time though, they went much deeper and it wasn’t long before Justin realized that his oxygen supply was floating somewhere between “Uh oh” and “You’re fucked“. So he motioned to the instructor that it was time to haul ass to the surface.
Unfortunately, the instructor wasn’t the same one from the day before, and he didn’t really understand English, so communication wasn’t happening. Eventually Justin resorted to a game of panicky charades, and the instructor finally clued in. If you can believe it, this is where shit gets worse. The instructor then threw an emergency respirator into Justin’s mouth, but the only thing it filled him with was more water. You’d think Justin would be used to that feeling, on account of all the times Jenny has whipped out a bottle of SmartWater and started pouring it into his mouth (“Shut up and start chugging!“) after spotting a pap out of the corner of her eye. But no, he wasn’t expecting it. He also wasn’t expecting that his brain would pull on a tiny tinfoil hat and start thinking his near-death experience wasn’t an accident.
“Your brain goes into a crazy place. Oh my God, this is some plot to kill me.”
I’m sure one of the crazy places his brain went was trying to remember the name his diving instructor’s scuba license. “Oh my god, it was totally Bran J. Loonie, I’m sure of it.”
One of the reasons why Justin says he couldn’t just swim up to the surface was that he was afraid of getting “the bends“, which the Internet tells me is decompression sickness. I guess the lack of oxygen caused Justin to forget that he was already equipped with a flotation device that was buoyant enough to bring him safely back up to the surface. Yes, I’m talking about the PFD in his pants. Next time, Justin. Next time.