And I’m sure that before I even finish typing this sentence, a team of plastic surgeons will have already nipped, tucked, sucked, rotated, and filled Kim Kardashian back to her original pre-pregnancy rubber glory.
After being knocked up for what felt like six weeks (none of which could hold a candle to her museum-worthy first pregnancy), professional drowsy-faced reality TV star Kim Kardashian and her current husband Kanye West announced earlier today on her website that she’s finally given birth to her second kid, a baby boy. Somewhere in the Kardashian Khompound (let’s be honest – the nanny’s quarters), North West just let out a giant sigh of relief after realizing she no longer had to go to Pimp Mama Kris’ weekly 4-hour fame whore workshops by herself.
Kim and Kanye haven’t released anything else about their baby’s birth – like if he came out, took one look at who his parents are, and tried to crawl back in. But really, it’s the Kardashians, so it’s only a matter of time. A kamera krew was probably there to record the whole thing (Kris Jenner probably hired the original crew from Kim’s sex tape, since they already had experience with lighting her crotch) and Kim’s intern Kylie has no doubt already started Photoshopping all the wrinkles and womb goo off baby’s face for his first Instagram selfie (“I woke up like this #nomakeup #natural #kuwtk #fittea“).
Obviously, the only thing that matters is what kind of messy name nonsense Kanye wrote on the birth certificate. You’re right, it’s definitely SON OF GOD, in all-caps.