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December 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Toto (as played by Scooter) from The Wiz Live!

About 10 minutes into The Wiz Live! (which sounds like the name of a golden shower Las Vegas stage show starring R. Kelly, Kim Kartrashian, Lena Dunham and Ray J) last night, I sat back and thought, well, damn, I guess this isn’t going to be the pageant of awkward train wreck messiness that the Sound of Music Live! and Peter Pan Live! were. Everyone sounded really good, Queen Latifah was super comfortable at being an Illuminati kingpin, the sets didn’t look like they were cast-offs pulled out of a dumpster outside of a community theater (see: the sets for Peter Pan Live!), Emerald City being one big gay club took me higher and even Mary J. Blige’s acting wasn’t a mess. Third time’s a charm!

The biggest question I had (besides, “Are the camera people wearing greased-up roller skates while high on meth, because this camera work is making me seasick?“) was, “Where the HELL is Toto?” The Internet had the same question. In the movie version of The Wiz, Toto goes to Oz with Diana Ross. But last night, Toto showed up for a quick minute in the beginning and then he clocked out, went to see a movie, got his nails done and had a meal at the Olive Garden before clocking back in to make an appearance at the end. When he showed up at the end, I expected Dorothy to say, “Well, well, well, nice of you to show up, trick!

Toto didn’t make it to Oz. The tornado must’ve carried him off to a different magical land called his dressing room where his lazy ass took a long nap. But it’s a good thing that Toto didn’t go to Oz with Dorothy. I mean, The Wiz would’ve turned into a scene from Cujo as soon as Toto laid his eyes on the Scarecrow’s rawhide dog treat face:

scarecrowmask2015

Looking like Mickey Rourke after a back alley chemical face peel gone really, really wrong. That’s probably why Toto was kept out of Oz. The Scarecrow’s skin jerky mask was terrifying enough. The children didn’t need to see Toto rip the Scarecrow’s face off too.

Pics: NBC/@MichaelAusiello

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