Just. No.

December 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Making humans look like broken goth robots is kind of photographer Steven Klein’s thing, but dude really outdid himself with these lifeless pictures of Kylie Jenner for Interview magazine. Steven Klein achieved the impossible by making Kylie look even more expressionless and blank-eyed than usual. Kudos, I guess.

Seen above done up like a scary Cleopatra sex doll from the 1960s, Kylie Jenner went HIGH FASHION and HIGH ART and the pictures are so edgy that you’ll have to check Amazon for retina Band-Aids because they’re going to scratch your eyeballs up.

The lip kit mogul posed in a wheelchair and copied Kim Kartrashian’s greasy-ass-out Paper cover by posing in ass-less chaps while holding a glass of wine. This shoot make Kylie look less alive inside than a mannequin (which is the point of the shoot), but the interview that Kylie did with Interview makes her pictures look like they’re full of life in comparison.

On how you 35-year-old women haven’t done shit compared to 18-year-old Kylie Jenner: “I feel like I’m going to look back and be like, “Damn, I wish I could’ve just been a kid and done normal teenage stuff that my friends get to do.” But it also is a blessing, and I’ve done so many things that most 35-year-old women still haven’t done. You can look at anything glass-half-full or whatever. Like, yesterday I realized that I’m 18, I’m a female, and I have accomplished so much. I live in a beautiful home and I work really hard, so I’m just grateful.”

On how she hates wearing 90 pounds of car paint on her face: “I would probably just never dress up. I would never wear makeup, because I honestly hate wearing makeup. Lately, I’ve just been so over it. I feel like I’m way too young to wear such heavy makeup all the time. It’s just bad for your skin, but I’m always doing photo shoots or red carpets and events, so I just obviously want to look good.”

On how she hates wearing makeup but wants a successful makeup line: “If I could do whatever I wanted, I would have a successful makeup line, and I would want to hopefully start more businesses, and just be, like, a businesswoman. And then, hopefully, I’ll go off the map. When I’m, like, 30, I want to go off the map, have a family, and live in Malibu with a farm, and just raise my own chickens. My next goal for 2016 is to learn how to garden.”

On how college isn’t for her: “I’m not going to college. I have done everything to prepare for college, so if I wanted to in the future, I could go at any time. But I’m not planning on going anytime soon. [voice heard in the background] Kim just said, ‘Good girl!'”

I think what Kylie meant is that she’s done everything to prepare for PMK’s Kollege For Kontinued Education In Fame Whoring, which is different than regular college. And she’s right. She has done everything to prepare for it. She does at least 3 struts on the pap stroll a day (P.E.), she injects melted Tupperware into her lips (science), she knows how to communicate solely in emojis and hashtags (English) and at the end of each week, she gives 25% of her earnings to Pimp Mama Kris (math). And the day a Kartrashian decides to go to college is the day disappointment shows on PMK’s face. A Kartrashian could get into Harvard and PMK would shake her head while saying, “You have brought shame upon the koven!

Pics: Interview/Steven Klein

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