Mary-Kate Olsen Might Have Gotten Married On Friday

November 29, 2015 / Posted by:

I’m saying “might have“, because we have yet to receive a press release (ie. a bundle of Blair Witch-style sticks with the words JUST MARRIED written across it in black paint and hand-delivered by The Babadook) from tiny pocket witch Mary-Kate Olsen about this whole wedding situation. But Page Six is saying that yes, one half of Michelle Tanner got married on Friday night to her French banker boyfriend of three years, Olivier Sarkozy.

A source says that 29-year-old Mary-Kate made it legal with Nicolas Sarkozy’s 46-year-old half-brother in front of 50 guests on Friday night at a private residence in Manhattan. Guests were told to hand over their cellphones, so no one has any picture evidence of Mary-Kate’s special day. But don’t worry, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before pictures of her fancy rich witch wedding end up in the pages of Vogue or Creepy Haunted Victorian Doll Weekly (probably the first one, definitely the second one).

This isn’t the first time Mary-Kate might have gotten married to her French banker boyfriend. Last year, there were whispers going around that the she had gotten secret married to Olivier. So this could be another false alarm. I guess we’ll only know for sure once we receive confirmation that Uncle Jesse definitely wasn’t invited.

Out of all the things we don’t know about Mary-Kate’s maybe-wedding, we do know this: apparently the theme of the reception was cigarettes. A source claims they were treated to “bowls and bowls filled with cigarettes, and everyone smoked the whole night.” Cigarettes! All the cigarettes. I’m sure Mary-Kate also walked down the aisle carrying a bouquet of American Spirits instead of flowers, exchanged lighters instead of rings, and dug into a giant wedding cake made out of packs of gum. And yes, I totally just pictured Mary-Kate calling up her wedding planner like: “Instead of doves, can we release some crows at the end of the ceremony? And can they be carrying cigarettes in their mouths? No? Forget it then.

Pic: Splash

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