Miley Cyrus Performed With A Big Dick Last Night
No, she didn’t sing a duet with her daddy. I went ahead and pixelated that whole picture and not because of her plastic chichis or dinosaur dick strap-on. I pixelated it, because I wanted to protect your eyes from the sight of her exposing the top of her pantyhose. That’s definitely the most offensive and tackiest part of her ensemble.
The cracked out hillbilly chipmunk’s Dead Petz tour left a glittery butt skid mark of fuckery in Chicago last night when Miley Cyrus performed while looking like something that fell out of a Lisa Frank porn. When Miley and The Flaming Lips announced their tour, Wayne Coyne said that she wanted to do the show while everyone, even the audience, was asshole-out naked and covered in milk. Someone on that tour with at least half a working brain cell must have figured out that milk + a bunch of naked high messes = a giant cereal bowl of diseased nightmares.
So instead of doing that, Miley dick slapped us all in the face with ten loads of OHSOEDGY by doing herself up like a slutty pear-shaped baby stripper and whatever the hell she’s supposed to be in the picture above. She looks like a rejected member of Jem and the Holograms who had to pay her bills by working as a dominatrix at a sex club that caters to men who really want to be ass fucked with an alien peen strap-on. Just like that, Tom Cruise wrote the name “Miley Cyrus” next to the number one on the list of possible brides. Miley is also giving me “white acid trip 80s Tina Turner starring in a community theater production of Exit to Eden the Musical.”
This is what happens when a 90s baby really, really wishes they lived through the 80s.
And after seeing this picture of Miley as a giant stick of butter, I’m waiting for them to announce that the entire tour has been cancelled, because she has gone missing.
I’m sure footage from a surveillance camera outside of the theater will show Paula Deen wobbling out of the stage door with a pantyhose-covered foot dangling from her twat.
Pics: Splash