So, Here’s A Topless Idris Elba Giving It To A Tire Doggy-Style

November 17, 2015 / Posted by:

I mean, that’s what’s going on here, right? You can’t tell me that Idris Elba is lifting a tire for exercise? Who does that? Working out is so weird.

Since we’re on the subject of nipple-hardening hot pieces, here’s Idris Elba’s spread in Men’s Health, which has a picture of him holding a giant tire (I know you’re going to Photoshop yourself over that tire) and a picture of him relaxing on a car like no one has ever relaxed on a car before. Idris also said words to Men’s Health too, but all the words he said were about boring work-out stuff. But the thing about working-out-talk is that a thirsty, hard-up, desperate piece of trash like myself can easily twist those words to create a sentence that is much more relevant to my interests.

Idris on his fitness goals:

“Some guys want to be toned or want to jog for miles, but my ultimate fitness goal is to be fight-ready. If I step into the ring, could I go toe-to-toe for five rounds? That’s what I strive for. That’s what I consider fit. I want to know that if I’m being wrestled to the ground, I’ve got the strength to fight a man off.”

I read that as: “I want to [be] wrestled to the ground [by] a man [who will suck] my toe for five rounds.” That last part was for Quentin Tarantino.

Idris on doing something called burpees:

“I do these burpees where you have to stand up, and then you kind of crawl on your hands to the burpee position, burpee, and then crawl back up and do a star jump. I do about 15 of those and then I’m done.”

I read that as: “I [want] you [to] crawl on your hands [in front of me and show me your dirt] star.

Idris on how shit is too vanilla nowadays:

These days everything is a bit watered down, a bit vanilla. If I want to do something, I’ll do it—breakdancing at the end of a movie trailer, adding a verse on a rap song, racing rally cars. Why not? If that’s a man’s man, cool.

Okay that one I can read as is.

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