This pick is straight out of left field if left field was 2005. I’m guessing that David Beckham’s publicist promised People the EXCLUSIVE divorce news if that ever happens and also gave a whole lot of sloppy salad tossings, because this is random for 2015. Yes, it could’ve been a whole lot better (see: Prince Hot Ginge, Idris Elba or Carrot Top), but it could’ve been a whole lot worse too (see: Blake Shelton, Justin Bieber or Jim Bob Duggar. You know those messes at People thought about that last one for a second.)
Posh’s husband took the Sexiest Man Alive crown off of Thor’s 90s boy band hair and gave the same pageant ass answer they all give when they’re called sexy and hot. They all say, “Oh me, hot? I’ve always thought I was a dog!” Try to read this in Becks’ signature “British cartoon mouse after inhaling a bunch of helium” voice.
“It’s a huge honor. And I’m very pleased to accept. I never feel that I’m an attractive, sexy person. I mean I like to wear nice clothes and nice suits and look and feel good, but I don’t ever think of myself that way.”
If you’re still meh-ing over this choice, you obviously didn’t read all the words on that cover. I mean, he vacuums! He’s like a hot tattooed Roomba with abs and a squeakier voice.
I’ll okay with this, but I’ll also say that People once again messed up when picking a cover photo. They just should’ve slapped Becks’ bubble butt on the cover and called it a day.