Before Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s nanny Mindy Mann was the nanny/husband fucker of the moment, Christine Ouzounian was ruling the nanny/side ho/shameless attention whore game. Christine the Nanny was racking up those fame whore credits by cruising down the stroll in her drop top Lexus and posing for staged paparazzi bikini shoots. But then she sort of disappeared and I figured she was laying low while working on her tell-all, a spread in Hustler and an Oxygen reality show. Well, Entertainment Tonight says that you shouldn’t expect Christine to make the most out of her 5 seconds of fame by reenacting her alleged affair with Ben Affleck in a soft-core porn titled The Hand That Rocked Batman’s Dick, because she’s currently living in the Bahamas with a dude she used to be engaged to.
ET says that Christine the Nanny was engaged to fisherman Christoph Albury until he dumped her ass in June, which was when she was in the Bahamas with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. The rumor is that Ben and Christine did it in the Bahamas . ET’s source says that Christine and Christoph (couple name: Christ Squared) were supposed to hang out during her trip to the Bahamas, but “something happened” and he didn’t want to see her. Christoph probably knew that it would be really awkward to hang out with Christine while Batffleck’s bat dick was up her punane. But the source says that Christoph is over it now and the two are together again. She’s staying in the Bahamas “indefinitely” and she and Christoph have been busting out PDA shit all over the island.
They’re hitting up local bars together, where the two haven’t been afraid to cuddle up. In other words, Ouzounian and Albury aren’t hiding their reunion. “It’s really strange,” the source says. “It’s like they’ve just gone back to normal and the Ben stuff didn’t even happen.”
This is what the fisherman looks like and yes, my dirty, tore-up starfish would definitely grab onto his hook.
Christine the Nanny obviously realized that chasing Ben Affleck peen was not the way to go and her heart led her back to her true soulmate. Or she wasn’t able to turn that mild scandal into a fame whore empire and so she took Ben and Jen’s “shut your goddamn mouth and get out of town” money and went off to drown her sorrows on fisherman dick in paradise. And Entertainment Tonight didn’t tell us what happened to that drop top Lexus. I’m guessing she sold it and used the money to put a down payment on boat she named the “S.S. F U Ben.”
And here’s Jennifer Garner spending time with a dog. No, not Ben Affleck. A different dog.