Even though my brain was still cursing my ass out for making it watch soggy Ritz cracker Donald Trump struggle to read off cue cards last week, I watched Saturday Night Live last night. Mostly because I was hoping they’d open with a sketch showing that last week’s show was just an elaborate 90-minute long prank pulled by Gilly. Instead, they kept it classy by scrapping their usual cold open and replacing it with Cecily Strong acknowledging Friday’s events in Paris. It’s short and sweet and she even does the second half in French, which is pretty impressive (well, to me, at least – but that’s because I can barely order a cheeseburger in French without going “Um…uh…le…um…“). She must have gotten a few pronunciation lessons from Jean K. Jean or something.
They still did a whole show, of course, and I’ve thrown two of the funnier sketches after the cut.
Okay, so this one really hit me in the shame pocket. It’s a song called “First Got Horny 2 U” and it’s all about the first dudes they got horny for. For example, host Elizabeth Banks’ character first got horny to Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny (although who didn’t, really). Of course, Aidy Bryant first got horny to something fucked up like the teenage brother from Dinosaurs, and it is with a heart full of “Girl no DON’T ADMIT THIS“, but I totally thought Robbie from Dinosaurs was hot too. He was sort of like a reptilian Danny Zuko, right? That’s something that’s hot, right? Then again, I also thought Beetlejuice from the Beetlejuice cartoon was a babe. God, I’ve said too much.
They also farted on that bonkers bitch Ben Carson, including his Museum of WTF-worthy portrait with Jesus.
To be completely honest, I would absolutely watch a sitcom starring Young Ben Carson and Black Jesus. (And I’m sure if you ask Ben Carson, he’ll tell you such a thing already exists).
Here’s Elizabeth Banks and musical surprise guests Lorde and Sam Smith going to the SNL afterparty last night, as well as Karlie Kloss, who I’m sure was there under assignment from Taylor Swift to make sure Lorde didn’t show up in any pictures with another one of her sworn enemies.