In other news, I think this might be the first time a Kardashian used a four-syllable word.
Kris Jenner’s fourth favorite income tax write-off, Khloe Kardashian, is on Ellen on Monday to pimp out her self-help book, Shield Your Eyes, I’m About To Get Naked. And because asking a Kardashian talk about books usually ends with a with a glazed-over look on their face and a “404-what is reading???” error flashing across their brain, Ellen DeGeneres changed the subject from her book to that sad mess with Lamar Odom.
Khloe klaims (via People) that it would have been a dick move to hit the fast-forward button on their divorce while Lamar is dealing with shit in the hospital, so that’s why she called it off. Koko then went on to say that Lamar deserves her support and love and that he’s a “fantastic person“, and that she’s very fortunate to have such an understanding family and boyfriend during this difficult time. Yes, Khloe is still dating NBA player James Harden and she’s still technically married to former NBA player Lamar Odom. Of course, Khloe isn’t exactly the smartest Kardashian (“That makes two of us!” shouted every other Kardashian), and Khloe thinks that juggling two dudes makes her the Bill Paxton in a Big Love sandwich.
“I’m just gonna say, I’m like, part of polygamy now. I have a husband, I have a boyfriend, and just call it – it’s a way easier thing to say. Yeah, I’m a polygamist!”
Ellen then reminded Khloe that technically a polygamist is someone who is married to more than one person, and that she’d have to marry James Harden in order to become one. Khloe responds by cooing “OoOoOoh!“, which I believe is the sound all Kardashians make when the little lightbulb goes off in their head and they get an idea for some future publicity.
You know that 0.3 seconds after Khloe uttered the word “polygamy“, Kris Jenner’s pimp sense started tingling and she began scheming up ways to kash in on Khloe’s multi-man situation. I’m sure she’s already picked up a marriage license for Khloe and James from city hall and is at Ryan Seacrest’s office pitching a show called Khloe And Her Husbands Take Utah as we speak.
Khloe sort of got into how Lamar is doing, but TMZ has an update on Lam Lam, and…it’s not good. It’s been one month since Lamar was found unresponsive at a brothel in Las Vegas, and doctors believe he’s suffered serious brain damage. Sources tell TMZ that Lamar can only speak a word or two here and there, and at times he looks “empty.” They also say he isn’t able to recognize friends and family when they come to visit. To be fair, if the Kardashians swooped into your hospital room with their glam squad, 4 kameras, and a lighting krew, you’d probably look at their tacky asses and pull an “I don’t know them” too.