Hot Slut Of The Day!

The Cauliflower Kids!

When the Cabbage Patch Kids ruled the toy game in the 80s and parents couldn’t get one without second mortgaging their house and selling their souls to Satan, a bunch of cheaper and easier-to-get knock-offs came out. None of the knock-offs lasted very long. There was the Pumpkin Patch Kids, the Flower Kids and a few more, but the one I remember the most were the Cauliflower Kids.

The Cauliflower Kids were the Cabbage Patch Kids’ fourth cousins whose patch was on the wrong side of the tracks where the soil was obviously tainted with toxic acid, because they were born with shitty struggle brows and “weird” colored hair. Some had bright red hair, some had bright blue hair. They came in a plastic cauliflower pail, that now that I look at it, looked like insulation foam covered in chunky vomit. You didn’t know if you got a boy or a girl Cauliflower Kid until you opened up that plastic pail thing.

I can only imagine the tantrums that brats threw on Christmas morning when they opened up their present and the Cabbage Patch Kid they thought they were getting turned out to be a Cauliflower Kid. It’s like asking for tickets to a Beyonce concert and getting tickets to a Keyshia Cole concert at a swap meet. It’s like asking for an iPhone and getting a soup can with a string attached to it. It’s like me asking for a Prince Hot Ginge Real Doll and getting a generic plastic blow-up doll with a carrot glued to the crotch.

For that reason alone, I love the Cauliflower Kids. Just think of how many spoiled asshole brats they brought to tears.

Pic: Etsy