The Church of Ho Shit’s answer to Suze Orman has been found! While many women are fighting for equality, stripper turned rapper’s piece turned ho shit mogul Amber Rose is telling women that they were born with a winning Lottery ticket between their legs so they may as well use it. Amber is still promoting the new ho shit holy bible “How To Be A Bad Bitch” and in an interview with Time, she shares some of her tips on how ladies can achieve their financial goals. The
Champagne Andre Room at the Nuts On Buns (or wherever the hell she worked) strip club in Philadelphia was her Harvard Business School and it was there where she learned how to get men to throw as many sticky bills at her oiled-up nalgas as possible.
Amber tells Time that the biggest money mistake she ever made was not paying taxes. Amber claims she made $1 million in 2011 alone and none of that money went to the tax man. Sadly, Amber didn’t have a Pimp Mama Kris in her life to teach her how to set up a tax-exempt “church,” so she ended up owing the IRS a Kim Kardashian ass load of money. She eventually paid it off and now she’s teaching women something none of us ever knew: taxes are something you have to pay every year. Amber also says that you need to set goals and save money. If your friends want to go out to the club, only go with them if they’re paying. And when you play your man right, he will become a human Check Cashing Place and your coochie will become a blank check made out to CASH.
“If they’re your friends, they’ll respect it. Tell them that you’re trying to save up for whatever it may be, and if they want you to come out with them then it has to be their treat. As women, we’re fortunate enough to use our seductive skills in order to be able to get money from our significant others. I also talk about seduction in the book. A lot of women don’t know how to seduce a man. It is extremely easy once you get to that point, and you can get anything you want out of them. And I know it might sound messed up, but once you get to that point, it’s not using. It’s not using a man, it’s literally getting what you want by any means necessary.”
Of course, some tax-paying, job-having poor HATERS on Twitter came after Amber Rose over those comments and she responded with: “Lol y’all are so Corny So it’s wrong to ask ur ‘Significant other’ (The person u care about) to help u financially so u can reach ur goal?” Okay, so now the man you seduce money out of has to be your “significant other” and you have to develop feelings for him before you ask for money? Fuck that, that sounds like a lot of work!
You know, I’ve always wondered what happened to one of my favorite philosophers and financial advisors, the New Jersey rose at the 0:25 mark in the video below:
Now I know that she became Amber Rose’s mentor and business manager!