E! News pretty much shot a million more holes into Brooks Ayers’ “I swear I’ve got cancer” claims yesterday when they posted proof that he faked his chemotherapy bills and got a rep from City of Hope to confirm that they’ve never treated the slimy douche dingle from the Real Housewives of Orange County. Brooks told E! News last week that he does have cancer and he showed them chemotherapy bills from City of Hope as proof. But after getting called out, Brooks admitted to E! that the chemotherapy bills he showed them were as real as whatever the hell Vicki Gunvalson put in her face.
Brooks claims that the modern day Jesus didn’t help him fake his “proof” and promises that he’ll keep his “personal journey” with cancer to himself. Tip: Make a strong mixture of bleach and hand sanitizer before reading this statement, because you’ll want to cleanse your eyeballs with something strong after fifty waves of wet manure hits them:
“Words cannot express the deep regret that I have in fabricating documents to ‘prove’ to the world that I, in fact, have cancer. What I did was wrong and inexcusable. I acted alone, without Vicki’s knowledge, to produce documents for a reality TV show in hopes of putting doubts about my cancer to rest. I never intended to disclose my actual medical records or details about my private and personal medical history, thus the rationalization of presenting documents that weren’t true simply for a ‘storyline’ for the show.
From this day forward, my own personal journey with this disease will remain private as I initially intended over a year ago. My sincerest apologies to my family, friends, loved ones, and those who are battling this horrid disease for any additional pain and/or stress that I have caused. As [University of Louisville basketball coach] Rick Pitino once said, ‘Mistakes can be good. They are fertilizer. Everything I’ve learned about coaching [life], I’ve learned from making mistakes.’ I made a mistake yet I have learned a huge lesson as well.”
Well, Brooks’ mistakes are fertilizer since he is a piece of shit. It’s great that he learned from his mistakes, but I would think that, “don’t fake cancer…or medical documents that say you have cancer,” is just something you know. You know how that Tips app comes pre-loaded into an iPhone and you can really delete it? I would think that the tip, “don’t fake cancer…or medical documents that say you have cancer,” just comes pre-loaded into our brains.
Vicki hasn’t released a statement or anything, but she did respond to someone on Twitter when asked why she still talks to Brooks.
@fibrogirls I don't talk to him nor will I ever speak to him again. This man is sick
— Vicki Gunvalson (@vgunvalson) November 11, 2015
“…nor will I ever speak to him again…until a Real Housewives’ producer calls me in two weeks and tells me Brooks needs to come back on the show because nothing smashed those ratings like his fake cancer storyline. But until then, I hate him!”