Open Post: Hosted By The Clip-On Man Bun
If you’ve always wanted a man bun, but your hair is too short for that mess, then please go to a quiet place and think deeply about your life choices. Once you’ve done that and have still decided that you want a man bun, scoot your fingers over to Groupon to snatch up the hipster douche answer to a toupee: the clip-on man bun! Looking like you’ve got an eye-less and mouth-less guinea pig resting on your head will only cost you $9.99! I had to check to see if Kristin Cavallari’s emporium of hair beauty, SecretBangs.com, was still open, because these clip-on man buns look like repurposed Secret Bangs.
The clip-on man bun is made of the same material Brit Brit’s weaves are made of (polyester), so you don’t have to feel guilty about human hair being wasted on making this giant dollop of messiness. Sure, the clip-on man bun looks more like a clip-on granny bun, but for $9.99 it still does the trick. Once you get your clip-on hairy donut in the mail, here’s the instructions on how to achieve that wannabe Bushwick craft beer sommelier look:
How To Wear It
1. Comb your hair back toward the crown of your head, in a similar motion to lacquering a reclaimed-wood coffee table
2. Attach the man bun to your natural hair the way the lay public attached itself to Arcade Fire
3. Use bobby pins to secure the man bun, decide bobby pins are too mainstream, use antique paper clips instead
I’d get one, but I’m holding out for Shia LaBeouf to sell a clip-on braided rattail. And if your man gets one of these and you still want to fuck him, prepare to hear him say, “Baby, don’t touch the man bun….. on my head that is,” while you’re doing it.
