Since the Starbucks red cup thing is the most important issue of our time and every presidential candidate should be talking about it at fucking length, frog fart in a pussy wig Donald Trump brought it up during a rally in Springfield, Illinois last night. Jabba the Trump really made the sweet spot of his evangelical supporters tingle by suggesting a Starbucks boycott because they’re not putting stupid snowflakes and stupid snowmen on their cups during the holidays anymore. Meanwhile, Chik-Fil-A has responded to Starbucks’ war on Christmas by putting a holy and beautiful picture of Ben Carson, Jesus and Santa on their coffee cups. (I would probably buy that coffee cup if they did that.)
Trump added another dingle to his “Say Whatever Your Supporters Want You To Say” file last night when he said that people should think about boycotting Starbucks since they obviously declared a rivalry against Baby Jesus and are selling Christian Tears Refreshers™ and Blended Reindeer Guts Frapps. Trump doesn’t even care if him calling for a boycott makes Starbucks pull out of his building. Who cares! So what! (Trump is pretty much the Joy Behar of Republican presidential candidates.)
“Today I read, and I have Starbucks at my tenants. Did you read about Starbucks? No more Merry Christmas on Starbucks? No more. I wouldn’t buy it. Hey, look, I’m speaking against myself. I have one of the most successful Starbucks at Trump Tower. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks? I don’t know. Seriously. I don’t care. By the way, that’s the end of that lease, but who cares? Who cares? Who cares! But today a big story that Starbucks is taking Merry Christmas off. No more Merry Christmas. I will tell you, lots of big things, lot of little things, you can call this anything you want, but if I become president, we’ll all be saying Merry Christmas again. That I can tell you. That I can tell you.”
Agreeing with Trump gives me gas pains, but I agree with him about that Starbucks boycott and not because of the red cup thing. I was in a Starbucks on Saturday and they were already playing Christmas songs. That’s why we should boycott their asses! That’s also why I don’t understand why some crazies are being melodramatic by saying that Starbucks shat all over Santa’s face. Those crazies need to go into a Starbucks with open ears and open eyes. They’d hear Christmas songs and see ceramic snowman mugs for sale. Starbucks is still using the birth of Jesus to make some cash. Everything is fine and nothing has changed.
And if you haven’t seen it already, here’s Trump saying what his followers want him to say. It’s more hilarious than anything he did on SNL.
Pics: NBC, Starbucks