Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 6, 2015 / Posted by:

The challah menorah that I don’t know if I want to sit on or eat. 

Oprah burped up her annual “Overpriced Crap That Companies ALLEGEDLY Paid Me To Put On My Favorite Things List” list and it just hasn’t been the same ever since her show ended. Oprah now puts the list in her magazine, which is totally boring, because how can I get excited about her favorite things without seeing her fans scream their b-holes off and thank all the gods (including The Mighty O) for blessing them with a mountain of free shit?!

Oprah’s Favorite Things list is also on Amazon this year (#getmoremoneybitch) and most of it is pretty useless unless you’ve been looking to buy an Italian cheese knife set for $425 or a faux fur jacket for the dog who is so OPULENT that it wears fake fur over its all-natural real fur bodysuit. But well, Oprah made up for all that crap by putting this glorious edible dicks man-orah on her list. It makes my oy go vey (I don’t know what that means either). I guess we now know how Oprah and Gayle spend their Hanukkah nights.

For just $45 (plus $15.40 shipping!!!!!!!), you can eat a bunch of kosher dicks. I showed this to my friend yesterday and he tried to ruin it for me by saying it looks like a bunch of turds. That reminds me (Note: I’m sure I’ve told this story before, so it’ll totally be the first time I’ve repeated myself). One of my other friends once said that he’s been fucked by so many Jewish guys that his shits are circumcised. But no, that beautiful menorah still looks like a row of hard cut dicks to me. It’s beautiful and even Amazon reviewers agree!

Oprah agrees; nothing beats a Menorah artistically handcrafted using the subtle shapes of intertwining bread penises. Great flavor, texture, and Kosher, this bread is great for celebrating Chanukah. You can also separate the shafts to serve to guests after your son’s bris. Chef Eli has really outdone himself here… this is the best $60 loaf of bread I’ve ever chewed and swallowed. Three thumbs up!

See, this is why Oprah needs to present her list on TV, because I need to hear her say, “YOU get a bunch of bread dicks and YOU get a bunch of bread dicks! Everyone gets a bunch of bread dicks!”

Pic: Amazon

SHARE
Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >