My headline should’ve been: WARNING – Cover Your Keyboard With Saran Wrap Before Reading This Sadness. Because that headline probably made you cry gallons of sad tears onto your keyboard and now it’s about as dead as the meaning of everlasting love.
26-year-old Joe Jonas and 20-year-old model type Gigi Hadid have apparently broken up after a few months of being a thing. My condolences goes out to Joe Jonas’ manager for not being able to get Gigi Hadid to sign an extension in their short-term relationship contract. A source tells People that Joe and Gigi just couldn’t make it work, because she was too busy modeling and posting pictures on Instagram and he was too busy keeping keeping his gorgeous caterpillar brows fat and shiny by feeding them lettuce.
“Joe and Gigi’s relationship recently ended. Nothing serious happened … it wasn’t a dramatic break up. It was just hard to make it work with their schedules. They will definitely remain friends.”
Joe and Gigi started dating in the summer, but he wanted to date her much, much earlier. Joe was a teenage PedoBear (a PedoTeddy?), because he first asked Gigi “out” when she was 13 and he was 19.
We’re the ones who really got cheated here. I mean, Joe and Gigi were together for five whole months and we never got a fake rumor about how they made a sex tape where she takes a strap-on to his furry ass after paddling his nalgas. What a disappointment. We were counting on you, Joe!
But you know, we shouldn’t be so hard on him. He’s obviously drowning in an ocean of sads after breaking up with Gigi. On Halloween, Joe and his new band did a cover of Adele’s “Hello” and he warbled it out while dressed up as a terrifying clown. This whole cover of “Hello” makes me want to say “Goodbye.” Click play on the video below if you feel like letting your ears know that you hate them today. Those high notes. I bet that’s what he sounded like as he got spanked in the sex tape that never was.
And here’s Gigi and her brother going to Kendull Jenner’s birthday party the other night.