It took them only two years, but last week the Florida Department of Children and Families snatched away Michael Lohan and Kate Major’s little sons after finally figuring out that these two train wrecks shouldn’t be allowed to care for a rock, let alone two human children. Michael and Kate’s sons, 2-year-old Landon and 10-month-old Logan, were put in foster care overnight before his mother Marilyn Lohan flew in from Long Island to be their temporary guardian. The ghost of The Situation’s future and broke down Tara Reid went to court in Florida today to try to get their boys back. It didn’t happen. Marilyn Lohan now has custody of them.
This latest chapter in Michael Lohan’s never-ending Jerry Springer episode of a life started when DCF got a copy of a video of the two fighting in front of their children. The video was crazy enough for DCF to collect Landon and Logan from Kate’s apartment last Wednesday. In today’s hearing, the judge waved away Kate and Michael’s pleas to get their children back and gave custody to Marilyn. Kate and Michael can only visit their kids with a DCF monitor present. They also have to go to anger management classes.
Before the hearing, Michael Lohan told Page Six and TMZ that Kate Major is a violent coked-up lying drunk (he really does have a type) and that he has many videos that proves she’s an abuser and a lie-teller. Michael and Kate have been married for about a year and he’s looking into flushing their marriage down the toilet for good. Michael also said something extremely disturbing.
“I think I have grounds for an annulment. As a matter of fact…Dina said if anything happens she would be more than happy to take care of my kids for me. [The boys] are very close to [siblings] Michael, Ali and Cody, and Lindsay [when she] was here.”
Anytime someone says, “I’d be okay with Dina Lohan taking care of my children,” and they mean it, an alarm should go off at the nearest mental hospital and men in white coats should appear with a giant net to drag that crazy in.
If those poor boys went to live with White Oprah, they’d go from watching Michael and Kate gnaw each other’s throats off to hearing Auntie Dina scream at them to stay still as she uses one of their heads as a table to hold her morning cocktail. I don’t know what’s the lesser of two messes. That’s like choosing whether you want to spoon with a porcupine or a grouchy alligator who hates affection.