Tom Cruise Is Serious About His Cookie Dough

November 2, 2015 / Posted by:

No, “cookie dough” is not a euphemism.

You know that “Respect The Cock” speech that Tommy Girl’s character delivers in Magnolia? Tommy regularly gives that same speech to his minions but replaces “Respect the cock!” with “Respect the cookie dough!

Leah Remini’s tell-all continues to be the early Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa gift that keeps on giving. She already told us that Tommy thinks she ruined his wedding and we know that he and Katie Holmes treated Suri Cruise the same way my friends treat my drunk and vulnerable ass. They let her cry on the bathroom floor for hours. Radar posted more excerpts where Leah paints Tommy as the King Joffrey of Scientology, because he’s a bratty ole’ bag of crazy who likes to play hide-and-seek in his mansion and throws fits over dumb shit like cookie dough and chipped mugs. And again, “play hide-and-seek” isn’t a euphemism.

On how Kirstie Alley and John Travolta can’t sit with Tommy “Regina George” Cruise in the Celebrity Centre cafeteria:  “I had heard that Tom didn’t like them.”

On his idea of a good time: As she got to know Cruise, now 53, she says she felt like he was a “big kid” with “goofy ideas of fun.” One night, he decided the group, which also included Jada Pinkett Smith, would play hide-and-seek in his 7,000-square-foot house.

On how he spit out a cuntastic cookie dough pep talk at an assistant who didn’t prepare it to his liking: “Get in the fucking present time, is what you need to do!” she claimed he screamed, adding that the assistant was beneath late Scientology founder L. Rob Hubbard, church leader David Misgivage and himself. Turns out, the cookie dough was under his nose the entire time. “It was horrible to watch someone I admired come undone, and even worse to witness the fear in the assistant’s eyes,” Remini recalls.

On how he verbally slapped another minion for serving him tea in a chipped mug: “You served me tea in a chipped mug? Do you know who gets served with a mug that’s chipped? Fucking DBs,” she claims he said, referring to “Degraded Being,” a derogatory term.

“That’s funny, we always heard he was into being degraded.” – Those catty gossips in the Scientology bath house.

Tommy is every kind of nuts so most of that isn’t surprising, but I was surprised to find out that he’s the Cristal Conners to John Travolta’s Nomi Malone. I bet Tommy has hated John Travolta ever since John beat him out for the lead role of Xenu in the Celebrity Centre holiday gala. And I know that Tommy is really high up on The Bridge To Total Insanity (or whatever they call it), but I wonder if he’s reached the OT level where you can detect scorned assistant dingles and loogies in your chocolate chip cookies and tea?


Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >