The Lohans have been one of America’s first family of fuckery for a while now and those wrecks aren’t slowing down anytime soon. Lindsay Lohan is pathetically flashing a fake engagement ring for attention. Michael Lohan Jr. got arrested in NYC for allegedly using a fake “executive branch” place card on his car. And now Michael Lohan got his kids taken away by the Florida Department of Children and Families. White Oprah is not going to let them get all of the shine and I expect her to show them all up by stealing an orphan before drunkenly crashing into a jewelry store with a fake handicapped permit on her car.
TMZ says that someone sent the Florida Department of Children and Families a video of Michael Lohan and his on-and-off-again piece Kate Major screaming at each other in front of their 2-year-old Landon and their 10-month-old Logan. The video was serious enough for the DCF to step in on Wednesday and take the kids out of Kate’s apartment in Boca Raton. Their sons were put in foster care overnight until
Kate’s Michael’s mom flew in from Long Island to take care of them. Kate’s Michael’s mom is now the boys’ temporary guardian and she’s living in his house. Kate and Michael can see their kids but only when grandma is there. The messiness still hasn’t settled down and the cops were recently called to Kate’s apartment after she claims Michael kept banging on her door.
A judge will go over the case and look at the video in a hearing on Tuesday.
Michael Lohan, of course, immediately farted up his version of the story to TMZ and it makes no sense. The noted vagina kicker fluffed up his angel wings and polished up his halo before he told TMZ that Kate went to his house last Wednesday when he wasn’t home. When he showed up with their sons, he told her to leave, because he says she was boozed up. Michael claims that DCF took the kids away, because Kate isn’t supposed to be with them when a monitor isn’t around and DCF didn’t think he protected their sons from her. Michael didn’t have anything to say about that video.
I’m surprised that DCF hasn’t set up an office in Kate Major’s apartment by now. I mean, this isn’t the first or millionth time that these two have fought like rabid hyenas. Just check the “Kate Major” or “Michael Lohan” tag on this site and you’ll see that they’re about as stable as an Ikea dining table, and yes I’m typing this on top of an Ikea dining table that’s being held together with duct tape and gum. But what’s really crazy is that the video went to DCF before it was sold to TMZ! At first I thought that Michael Lohan dropped the video in DCF’s inbox, but if he tipped off the authorities before tipping off TMZ, his entire family would disown him. He’d be a douche pox on their house of foolery. It would be the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done and they’d be too ashamed to talk to him again.
And I bet that when DCF showed up to Kate Major’s apartment, they found Logan and Landon sitting on their packed suitcases with looks that clearly said, “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for months!”