Here I was thinking that maybe just maybe Lark Voorhies’ divorce from her husband of a second would go smoothly and wouldn’t get messy. It’s nice to know that there’s a gram of “naive bitch” in the mush of bitterness and cynicalness I call a brain.
Last week, Lark filed papers to legally quit Jimmy Green’s ass after 6 months of marriage. Jimmy told TMZ that their Facebook love affair withered up because of her mother. Lark’s mother took out a restraining order against Jimmy Green for reasons we don’t know. Well, my eyeballs are also about to file a restraining order against Jimmy Green, because he tells TMZ that he’s looking for someone to buy a sex tape he made with Lark. Jimmy says that Lark was all for the sex tape and was all for him selling it. But Lark tells TMZ that if there is a sex tape, it was recorded without her knowing and she doesn’t want it out there. Jimmy, being the charming gentleman that he is, says that Lark can’t change her mind now.
I hate the universe right now. It keeps giving us Saved By The Bell sex tapes that we never ever asked for. Absolutely nobody asked for that sucio tape of Screech Dirty Sancez’ing his piece. I know some kinky, dirty whores and even they didn’t ask for that. And now the universe is giving us a sex tape starring a current day Lark Voorhies, who is not in a good place, with her leech of a husband? Dear universe, you have to make it up to us by giving us a Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez sex tape. Hell, I’d even take a Miss Bliss and Mr. Belding sex tape over this.