The whispers that one of Jay Z’s 99 problems was the struggle of trying to hide the fact that he was banging Rihanna from his wife has been around since the beginning of time (no, for real, I’m sure there are cave paintings showing a woman with a joint in her mouth receiving a text that says “U awake?“). There was even a theory that Jay Z’s relationship with RiRi was the reason for why Solange went loco on his ass in an elevator after the Met Gala. Basically, we all agreed that at one point in time, Jay Z’s dick probably smelled like space weed and zero fucks.
Well, according to Jay Z and RiRi’s former publicist, Jonathan Hay, you can go ahead and stop side-eyeing Rihanna for doing the electric adulterous camel slide with Jay Z, because that rumor is about as real as the birthdate on Beyonce’s driver’s license. Jonathan was forced to tell the truth after he was outed by J. Randy Taraborrelli, the author of Becoming Beyonce, an unauthorized biography about – DUH – Beyonce. J. Randy (hot name) claims that Jonathan wanted to drum up some publicity before the release of RiRi’s first single, “Pon de Replay“, back in 2005. And when in doubt, a rumor about fucking your married mentor usually works.
Jonathan says that he has since apologized to Beyonce, and that the whole thing is “very awkward.” No, Jonathan – awkward is telling your parents you’re considering entering the witness protection program after you received a mountain of death threats from the Beyhive for bey-smirching their queen’s good name.
You know, I want to believe Jonathan. I really do. But something about this stinks of weave glue and Photoshopped thighs. Does anyone have a video recording of Jonathan Hay coming clean? I wouldn’t be surprised if said video was filmed in a basement next to Solange’s cot, and features the shadowy figures of Bey’s henchmen (Kelly and Michelle) blocking the door while the voice of Blue Ivy instructs him to read the cue cards exactly as they’ve been written if he wants to see outside again.
Meanwhile, I’m sure if you asked Rihanna if anything nasty happened between her and Jay Z, she’d just shrug and be like “Who cares? NEXT.” Here’s RiRi looking like a bootleg Color Me Badd doll while performing last night in LA.