Open Post: Hosted By Colton Haynes Serving Up Some Sea Witch Realness

October 25, 2015 / Posted by:

When it comes to Halloween (or Slutoween, if that’s the holiday you celebrate), people are either really really into it, or they’re “Just give me the damn fun-size Snickers” apathetic about the whole thing. Colton Haynes (aka the ripped babyface dude from Teen Wolf) is clearly a proud member of the first group. Last year, Colton covered his ass in 10lbs of green latex and went as Fiona from Shrek. This year, he dunked himself in 20lbs of gorgeous, pulled out a purple tit, and went as a messy version of Ursula from The Little Mermaid. This isn’t even a Halloween costume; this shit is top-shelf drag.

Ursula is my bad bitch queen, so obviously no Ursula costume – no matter how good – will be good enough for me. First of all, Colton isn’t nearly sexy enough. Yes, he has a tit out, but as Tara Reid can tell you (NSFW), that’s not a guaranteed path to sexy. He’s also way too skinny. And he’s carrying a cane for some reason. Colton’s Ursula looks more like what I’d imagine Ursula’s granny looks like after a rowdy bridge night at the nursing home. Or what you’d get if Ursula made a shady deal with a mermaid surgeon in exchange for some gastric bypass surgery and a bottle of vodka. What am I even saying? Those are both great costumes.

Here’s more of Colton Haynes looking like the love child of Divine and Paula Deen last night. Warning: some pics are a tad NSFW-ish, thanks to a rubber cecaelia nipple.

Pics: Colton Haynes, Splash

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