The company that Jay-Z forgets exists, Tidal, held an Illuminati ritual ceremony at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn last night to celebrate their 1 millionth subscriber. Or should I say, they celebrated the 989,999th subscription that Jay-Z bought to make it look like they have 1 million subscribers. During the charity concert, which benefited some organization that funds social movements (whatever that means), the First Lady of Tidal busted out a performance of “Feeling Myself” with Nicki Minaj and before she did that, her titty bowls nearly busted out as she posed on the carpet.
ANCIENT ASS Beyonce pulled one of her high ponytail wigs out of her hair closet, slapped it on her head and went on over to Blue Ivy Carter’s craft room to ask her daughter to use some of that Elmer’s Glue to glue that shit onto her. I don’t know whether that lace front is eating her forehead or if her forehead is eating that lace front. But beyond that, the rest of her look is very “Casual Friday Mariah Carey.” From the neck up, she’s I Dream of Jeannie and from the neck down, she’s Mimi. So together, she’s I Dream of Mimi.
Beyonce’s overall look is tacky, cheap, and is lazy Jeanne Kasem cosplay. So with that said, I love it! But what I love more is a moment that happened between Beyonce and her assistant in front of the photographers. After Beyonce’s minion fixed her dress for a quick second, she let that peon know that it’s time to shoo out of her shot by softly saying, “Stop it.” (Side note: That photographer just had cataract surgery and figured that blurry figure in the high ponytail was Charo, which is why she’s mistakenly calling Beyonce “queen,” right? Right?)
And one second after that moment, a trap door opened up below the assistant sending her down a long chute and into the basement where she’ll spend the rest of eternity making high ponytail wigs for Beyonce.