The answer to the question, “What happens when you give children of the 1% as much weed as they want and let them school themselves?”, was answered last year when Jaden Smith and Willow Smith did a brain-melting interview with T Magazine where they went on about prana energy and metaphysics. If you figured then that Jaden would one day switch his strain and outgrow that phase, you were wrong, because it’s a year later and his 17-year-old brain is still spitting out nuggets of solid foolery. Will and Jada Pinkett Smith’s son did an interview with GQ, for some reason, and he brought us into his world of pyramids and science. If HBO ever decides to do a season of True Detective in space, they should get Jaden Smith to write the script.
Jaden tells GQ that he and Willow are still homeschooled so they get to choose what they want to study. Their curriculum probably looks like this:
Period 1 – Bonging 101
Period 2 – Dianetics
Period 3 – Bonging 102
Period 4 – Pyramid Making
Period 5 – Bonging 103
No, Jaden says that he and Willow study science mostly and one of their final exams was trolling the world by saying all that weird and stupid shit in their interview with T Magazine.
“Me and Willow are scientists, so everything for us is a scientific test upon humanity. And luckily we’re put in a position where we can affect large groups of human beings at one time. That experiment—it went really, really well. We got to see how people reacted. And they actually ended up reacting exactly as we predicted beforehand that they would react.”
Jaden loves screwing with us and loves that we think he’s crazy, because everyone thought Galileo was crazy. But Jaden’s not saying he’s the modern day Galileo or anything! (He totally thinks he’s the modern day Galileo.)
“It’s fun, bro. That’s what a lot of people don’t realize. It’s fun. It’s so much fun. It’s the best thing. People think you’re crazy—I feel like it’s an honor, actually, for people to think I’m crazy. Because they thought Galileo was crazy, too, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.”
Jaden is too modest. He’s smarter and wiser than Galileo, because did Galileo build a giant backyard pyramid that his parents let him build because they’re allergic to saying the word “No“? I think not!
“Like, the clothes I’m wearing right now, done it on my own. I built my own bed, I built my own closet, um, I built two closets, I built four beds, I built, um, one pyramid— It’s at my parents’ house. Half of a pyramid. The tip is missing, but the whole structural thing is built, and it sits at 12.5 feet tall. I’ll Instagram a picture of it once this comes out, so people know what I’m talking about. Because it’s supposed to be 14 feet tall or 16 feet tall, but the tip of the Giza pyramid is actually cut off. There’s no tip. It’s missing. So I was like, ‘I want to have a missing tip on here, too.’ Because I copied the exact 57.1 degrees that the Giza pyramid is. Obviously I don’t have two miniature pyramids next to it. But I have a little pyramid in my actual room, too. One that’s just like three feet tall.”
Jaden wants to go to college one day, but he’s not going to go to college the way everyone else goes to college. He wants to set up an office at MIT, because you know, he can just hoverboard into MIT and say, “I want an office here.” Oh, to be a rich kid…
“I’ll go to college. I want to set up offices at MIT just so I can learn and bring in new technologies into the world. Definitely sit in on lectures in college. I’ve done that already. Like, go sit in that, you know, USC, UCLA, MIT, you know, anything I can get my hands on.
I’ll go to open schools, eventually, when I’m like 25 or something. Multiple schools. At the same time, around the world. So, like, two in the United States, two in Europe, two in China, India, Russia, Africa, all at the same time.”
And once he’s done with that, he’s going to disappear and leave symbols of his existence on the planet like the aliens do:
“No one will know where I am in ten years. They’ll see me pop up, but they’ll be like, ‘Where’d you come from?’ No one will know. No one will know where I’m at. No one will know who I’m with. No one will know what I’m doing. I’ve been planning that since I was like 13. It’ll be kind of like Banksy. But in a different way. More of a social impact. Helping people. But through art installations. It’ll be like, ‘This just happened that helped a bunch of people over here. We don’t know who did it, but these symbols and things were left around, so we can only guess that it’s Jaden and the squad.’ You know what I’m saying? So I’m just dedicating my whole life to helping the world.”
Scientology is a hellufafucking drug.
I wish Jaden cared about helping the world two years ago, because then he wouldn’t have let After Earth happen. And if Kylie Jenner really wants to be the new Kim Kardashian she’d marry Jaden Smith, because Jaden Smith is trying to out-Kanye Kanye and so far, he’s doing a damn good job at it.