Justin Bieber Claims Shrinkage

October 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Head douche of the romper room Justin Bieber complained to Access Hollywood about feeling violated after pics of his nekkidness scandalized the Earth over a week ago. He also stated that the depiction of his dick was inaccurate due to “shrinkage.” Maybe Daddy should have sent more incest-y tweets to bolster his dick’s fragile ego? via People

“My first thing was like … how can they do this? Like I feel super violated. Like, I feel like I can’t step outside and feel like I can go outside naked. Like you should feel comfortable in your own space … especially that far away.”

On one hand, he’s right. He should be able to, like, walk the cock if he’s in own personal space, like, without it ending up slapped across the, like, Internet for, like, jillions to “meh” to. Like, Granted, when Justin Bieber walks outside naked, he calls it a “violation,” but when I do it the police are called, people run and I’m told to leave the park immediately.

On the other hand, those evil assholes didn’t even let him apply a proper Instagram filter to his nudity this time! When you’re globally famous and you walk your bare ass out on the deck of your hotel hut, the paps should at least wait until you give the word. Forewarned is forecockedarmed in the celebrity dick pic game, people!

Bieber also felt that his dick wasn’t presented in the best possible light.

“That was shrinkage for me.”

Irritating shithead, please! Every guy caught out there says that. If shrinkage had that much to do with small penises, the male engineers of the world would insure that pools only came heated. Our global warming issue would have to suck it, because all of the dude scientists would instead be wracked figuring out a way to permanently raise the temperatures of the planet’s oceans, lakes, rivers and streams.

Not that I want to be defending the hell toddler, but it’s not like he’s sporting a button. Sure, it’s not the Hammaconda, but that’s a rare beast. Look, showers not growers do fine in the world. (You – “Orly?” Me – “Shut up!“) I mean, does size really matter in the end? (The Dlisted readership – “Yes!”) *Cut to Michael K. wondering how Dlisted HR would let someone who would ask that question into the lobby, let alone allow him to blog here*

And here’s some enthralling pics of the Biebs exiting a public bathroom yesterday in Beverly Hills.

Pics: WENN

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