A couple of days ago, Jennifer Connell of NYC was declared the “Worst Aunt Ever” and that made me say, “Pfft,” to myself. Obviously, everyone hasn’t heard of the tia who made me listen to the Black Eyed Peas during a 2-hour car ride (IN TRAFFIC!). Now that is a true cold-hearted move.
Aunt Jen instantly became Pimp Mama Kris’ greedy hero of the year when she sued her now 12-year-old nephew Sean Taras for the injuries she got from him knocking her ass over during a hug at his 8th birthday party. Aunt Jen sued Sean for $127,000. She needs the cash to pay the medical bills that are adding up from her two wrist surgeries. The jury declared that Sean isn’t liable and they awarded Aunt Jen a total of NOTHING. After the quick trial, Aunt Jen’s lawyer released a statement where he asked Satan to stop offering her the position of Hell’s ambassador on earth and told everyone to stop calling her a monster.
Aunt Jen’s lawyer explained that her suing her nephew was all just a technicality. Sean’s dad’s homeowner’s insurance offered her only $1 for her injuries. In the state of Connecticut, you can’t directly sue the homeowner’s insurance, so you have to sue the person to get the insurance to pay up. Aunt Jen continued to show everyone that she’s not the Auntie-Christ by going on Today this morning with her nephew. Aunt Jen explained the situation and said that she loves Sean. Sean said that his auntie would never do anything to hurt his family as she looked at him like, “Yeah, you better not talk any trash or I’m dragging you back to court for SLANDER!” No, they love each other.
And that’s that….until NBC reboots “The Slap” as “The Hug” and casts Holly Hunter as Aunt Jen and Ronan Farrow (he’ll have to walk around on his knees) as Nephew Sean.