John Lennon supposedly made fun of the Beatles‘ manager Brian Epstein for being gay. Maybe John did that because Brian was getting peen and he wasn’t because he was too damn picky. At least that’s what Yoko Ono says. In her latest interview about John with The Daily Beast, Yoko says that he was a picky bi who wanted to roll around naked with another dude but his high standards kept him from doing so.
Yoko was asked if she’s ever scissored against a ‘gina and she said that she’s never done anything sex-related with another woman. That led to her spilling shit about John’s sexuality. (Side note: Because I know you were wondering, if Yoko did bump pussies with another woman, her bust-a-nut wails would sound like this.)
“Well, that’s another thing. John and I had a big talk about it, saying, basically, all of us must be bisexual. And we were sort of in a situation of thinking that we’re not [bisexual] because of society. So we are hiding the other side of ourselves, which is less acceptable. But I don’t have a strong sexual desire towards another woman. I mean, both John and I thought it was good that people think we were bisexual, or homosexual.”
Brian Epstein’s name was brought up along with the rumor that he and John Lennon had a thing. Yoko got into that a little bit and said that their relationship never got to the point where they touched each other’s dicks, but they were really close.
“Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship.
Uh, well, the story I was told was a very explicit story, and from that I think they didn’t have it [sex]. But they went to Spain, and when they came back, tons of reporters were asking, ‘Did you do it, did you do it?’ So he said, ‘I did it.’ Isn’t that amazing? But of course he would say that. I’m sure Brian Epstein made a move, yeah. [John] just didn’t want to do it, I think.”
Yoko went on to say that a few months before he died, he told her that he wanted to do sex with a dude, but sadly, the land in front of him was filled with homely-faced regulars and none of them gave him the tingles in the right places. Yoko thinks that John Lennon died without ever doing a guy.
“The beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ‘I could have done it, but I can’t because I just never found somebody that was that attractive.’ Both John and I were into attractiveness—you know—beauty.”
John and Yoko were truly, truly special creatures. Because you know, they were really into beauty and nobody is really into that.
Either Yoko is exaggerating or this interview is another one of her performance art pieces or John Lennon’s standards were way too high. I mean, he was John Lennon. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that hard for him to find a hot piece of man meat to do him. What’s the point of being famous if you’re not going to fuck hot people who are only fucking you because you’re famous? It does makes me sad to think that John Lennon went through life without ever licking a dick. It makes me thankful that I have zero standards and will do anything that offers. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go hump my couch. It just winked at me.