Kristen Stewart And Alicia Cargile Might Have Called It Quits

October 10, 2015 / Posted by:

I know I should probably make a joke about Kristen Stewart’s tongue sticking out of her mouth like that, but I’m too busy thinking about how sad the paps will be when they find out that they will no longer be needed to photograph Kristen Stewart and Alicia Cargile’s daily coffee runs.

The last time we checked in on who Kristen Stewart was bumping her vertical sneer against, she was proudly telling you to Google her name and count the 8,204,261 pictures of her and Alicia Cargile that come up. But according to Radar, your search is going to start returning 404 – Not Found errors, because the vague gayelle love between Kristen and Alicia is dead. A source tells Radar that KStew and ACar have “officially ended their relationship” after coming to a mutual decision. The source adds that it was an “amicable breakup.” But of course it was! It’s always amicable. There goes my hope of hearing that Alicia caught Kristen in someone else’s coochie jar and responded by dramatically throwing all her black t-shirts onto the front lawn.

As for the reason why Kristen and Alicia took a match to their relationship, the source claims it was because KStew is so busy and doesn’t have time to be in a relationship. OK, I believe that one; looking mopey and shrugging apathetically is a full-time job that doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for extracurriculars. Alicia apparently also didn’t like being Kristen’s carry-on.

“Alicia does not want to be a part of her jet-setting life anymore.”

Damn, you know it’s over over when you’re willing to give up that private jet lifestyle. Alicia’s going to realize she made a big, huge mistake once she goes back to flying commercial and finds herself sipping on a lukewarm cup of Sprite while sandwiched between the toilet and a kid playing Eden xo’s “The Weekend” on repeat with no headphones. Alicia, it’s not too late! I’m sure she’ll take you back!

Pic: Splash/INF

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