You probably read that headline question and looked at that picture and wondered, “Errr, doesn’t David Lee Crosby already live in the US and the hell kind of shit is he on?”
That’s Randy Quaid and he may be back inside the US as early as next week. We’ve all been warned. Randy was arrested in Montreal yesterday morning during one of his regular check-ups with Canada Border Services. When Randy’s application for permanent residency in Canada was denied in 2013 due to felony vandalism charges he faces in Santa Barbara, CA, he was supposed to go a hearing with the Immigration and Refugee Board. Randy farted on that hearing by not going. A warrant was issued for his arrest in 2013 and the police lost track of him and his batshit wife Evi Quaid until this past April. Randy was arrested and was later released on $10,000 bail. Randy had to check-in with Border Services regularly and that leads us up to him getting put into handcuffs again yesterday.
The Washington Post says that Randy was arrested by Canada Border officials yesterday, because they’re going to hit him with an order to leave next Wednesday and they didn’t think he was going to comply with that shit. They were afraid he might escape to another part of Canada. Apparently, the deportation of Randy Quaid has been in the works for a while. At a hearing with the Immigration and Refugee Board this morning, Randy was released after the board declared that he isn’t a flight risk. Randy is mostly likely going to be deported back to the US next week and he claims that his body is ready.
Randy told the Associated Press in an interview he did yesterday while locked up that he wants to deal with the charges in Santa Barbara and move on with his life. When Randy and Evi escaped to the land of Celine Dion and BeaverTails, they said that they were running from a group called the Hollywood Star Whackers who were murdering famous types and were going to murder them next. Randy tried to clarify that “Star Whackers” mess by saying that he doesn’t think an actual mafia of killers is trying to murder him. He just means that there’s powerful people in Hollywood who would love to caca and dance on his grave.
“I don’t mean it in a literal sense. I think the people I’m going after would like to see me dead, absolutely, but whether they would act on that, I don’t know.”
Randy also swears that he doesn’t have pure crazy running through his veins and he and Evi are just expressing themselves when they make those eye-burning sex tapes and rant about politics:
“I don’t know how you go about correcting perceptions. It’s like trying to put the genie out back in the bottle. For 40 years I was well respected.”
Something smells fishy and I’m not talking about the scent of Evi’s dried coochie juices on Randy’s magnificent beard. For years, Randy and Evi have fired rant after rant at the “corrupt” officials of Santa Barbara and the even more “corrupt” US government, and now he’s suddenly ready to play nice? Hmmm…. I wouldn’t be surprised if Randy is paying someone to come to the US as him. Once “Randy Quaid” lands back in California, officials should play reggae music and if “Randy Quaid” starts dancing, someone should rip his beard off and expose him as Rob Ford in disguise! Rob Ford can’t fight the beat.
But if the real Randy Quaid does come back to the US, we should refuse to take him unless Canada takes Justin Bieber back. It’s not really a fair trade since the Biebs is worse, but don’t tell Canada that.