Dear Sia, if you walked into your hair room recently and wondered where one of your “Andy Warhol as a Lhasa Apso” wigs went, look at that picture. You have your answer.
In writer Vanessa Grigoriadis’ profile on Nicki Minaj in The New York Times Magazine, you can feel Nicki getting more and more annoyed by the questions that were dropped in her ears. Nicki talked about growing up in an abusive household and how she bounced from one man to the next man and how she didn’t know that famous hos Photoshop their Instagram pictures (uh huh). But Nicki also waved away some of the questions Vanessa asked her and it ended with her hitting the stop button on the interview. But before we get to Nicki ejecting a trick from her sight, let’s get into the Miley Cyrus crap.
Because some of us have the memory of a gold fish with amnesia, I’ll refresh our asses a bit. When “Anaconda” didn’t get an MTV VMA nomination for Video of the Year, Nicki spilled her feelings on Twitter about how she feels pop culture is always taking from black women and black women never get rewarded for it. Nicki also said that if her video was filled with skinny bodies, it probably would’ve gotten a VOTY nomination. (Taylor Swift piped in, but who cares about that.) Many thought that Nicki was talking about Miley, so before the VMAs, Miley was asked about it. Miley butt burped up some chopped word salad and said that Nicki went about talking about race the wrong way and created a catfight. Miley is an expert on that shit, because she has the statistics. She has the statistics! At the VMAs, Nicki nearly yanked the faux dreads off Miley Cyrus’ head by asking her “What’s good?” while on stage. Miley brushed it off. I thought the whole moment was about as real as Nicki’s ass. But Nicki tells Vanessa that it was real and she got more mad when the stoned hillbilly chipmunk made a stupid “huh?” face.
‘‘I saw [Cyrus] just looking at me, with her face screwed up, and I thought, What the!’’ she told me in mid-September, in the Trump hotel in Columbus Circle, while visiting New York for Fashion Week. Onstage, Minaj next did something exceedingly rare in the commercial music world. She addressed Cyrus with real venom — ‘‘This bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press’’ — and pointed at her with a manicured finger: ‘‘Miley, what’s good?’’ MTV cut Minaj’s mike, but you could see her lips forming the words, ‘‘Don’t play with me, bitch.’’
Nicki later explained that it pisses her off that Miley twerks next to and bonds with black women, but the minute a black woman opens her mouth to talk about serious shit, Miley waves those thoughts away and skips off to twerk on an inflatable unicorn’s horn or something.
“The fact that you feel upset about me speaking on something that affects black women makes me feel like you have some big balls. You’re in videos with black men, and you’re bringing out black women on your stages, but you don’t want to know how black women feel about something that’s so important? Come on, you can’t want the good without the bad. If you want to enjoy our culture and our lifestyle, bond with us, dance with us, have fun with us, twerk with us, rap with us, then you should also want to know what affects us, what is bothering us, what we feel is unfair to us. You shouldn’t not want to know that.”
Okay, but Nicki didn’t tell us if she knows the statistics or not. How can I say that I agree or disagree with her if she doesn’t tell me if she knows the statistics or not?! I mean, noted statistician Miley Cyrus knows the statistics! Does Nicki Minaj know the statistics? Vanessa Grigoriadis is supposed to be a serious journalist and yet she didn’t ask Nicki if she knows the statistics! Shameful! But Vanessa did bring up the Meek Mill vs. Drake drama and that’s when shit got messy.
Vanessa asked Nicki how the “beef” between Meek and Drake makes her feel. Nicki said that she wishes it was over, because she hates being between two people she cares for and respects. And then Vanessa went and did it. She asked Nicki if she “thrives on the drama.” The record scratched, the cats scurried away, the birds headed north and Nicki’s assistants said “oh shit” before packing up and running off. Nicki read Vanessa her last rites before putting her on the curb:
‘‘What do the four men you just named have to do with me thriving off drama?’’ she asked. ‘‘Why would you even say that? That’s so peculiar. Four grown-ass men are having issues between themselves, and you’re asking me do I thrive off drama?’’
She pointed my way, her extended arm all I could see other than the diamonds glinting in her ears. This wasn’t over yet. ‘‘That’s the typical thing that women do. What did you putting me down right there do for you?’’ she asked. ‘‘Women blame women for things that have nothing to do with them. I really want to know why — as a matter of fact, I don’t. Can we move on, do you have anything else to ask?’’ she continued. ‘‘To put down a woman for something that men do, as if they’re children and I’m responsible, has nothing to do with you asking stupid questions, because you know that’s not just a stupid question. That’s a premeditated thing you just did.’’ She called me ‘‘rude’’ and ‘‘a troublemaker,’’ said ‘‘Do not speak to me like I’m stupid or beneath you in any way’’ and, at last, declared, ‘‘I don’t care to speak to you anymore.’’
HAHAHAHA. I just thrived off of that drama right there and I’m slow clapping for Nicki. That is an Alexis Carrington move right there. Actually, it’s more of a level 1 Alexis Carrington move. Because if Vanessa asked Alexis Carrington that same question, Alexis would’ve stared her down so hard that she would’ve bit her own tongue off and wouldn’t be physically able to ask anymore questions.