RiRi doesn’t really have anything to sell right now, besides her daily pap walks, Instagram posts and bottles of stank, but she’s on the cover of Vanity Fair and in the interview, she says words about everything from Chris Brown to casual boning to Rachel Dolezal. If your brain completely erased every memory of Rachel Dolezal, I’m jealous of you. But let me remind you who that mess is. Rachel Dolezal is Sideshow Bob’s transracial second cousin who pretended to be black and was the only thing the media talked about for a little while. You know, she was the Kim Davis of June 2015. We all forgot about Rachel Dolezal until RiRi said her name again. Damn you, RiRi, you woke the fame whore beast! But before we get to that…
Some see RiRi as a big ole’ happy slut who hops on a new hard dick every other night. But RiRi tells Vanity Fair that she hasn’t really been putting miles on her coochie, because she didn’t like that feeling of regret that filled her after she got filled with stranger peen.
“That’s why I haven’t been having sex or even really seeing anybody,” she says, “because I don’t want to wake up the next day feeling guilty. I mean I get horny, I’m human, I’m a woman, I want to have sex. But what am I going to do—just find the first random cute dude that I think is going to be a great ride for the night and then tomorrow I wake up feeling empty and hollow? He has a great story and I’m like … what am I doing? I can’t do it to myself. I cannot. It has a little bit to do with fame and a lot to do with the woman that I am. And that saves me.”
She says “find the first random cute dude that I think is going to be a great ride for the night and then tomorrow I wake up feeling empty and hollow” like it’s a BAD thing.
RiRi has talked about Fist Brown before and she talked about him again with Vanity Fair. RiRi went back to him after he beat her, because she felt like she could change him and save him, but she realized she was stupid in thinking that and walked away. They don’t talk and they’re not friends, but she’ll care about him forever. She also said that she’s tired of having to relive it over and over again.
“Well, I just never understood that,” she says, “like how the victim gets punished over and over. It’s in the past, and I don’t want to say ‘Get over it,’ because it’s a very serious thing that is still relevant; it’s still real. A lot of women, a lot of young girls, are still going through it. A lot of young boys too. It’s not a subject to sweep under the rug, so I can’t just dismiss it like it wasn’t anything, or I don’t take it seriously. But, for me, and anyone who’s been a victim of domestic abuse, nobody wants to even remember it. Nobody even wants to admit it. So to talk about it and say it once, much less 200 times, is like … I have to be punished for it? It didn’t sit well with me.”
And finally, she dribbled out this stream of chunky messiness about Rachel Dolezal:
“I think she was a bit of a hero, because she kind of flipped on society a little bit. Is it such a horrible thing that she pretended to be black? Black is a great thing, and I think she legit changed people’s perspective a bit and woke people up.”
Okay, I must smoke the same strain as RiRi, because I sort of get what she meant. I think she meant that America has really turned a corner when white people are wanting to be and live as black people. I think that’s the thought that formed in her brain. But RiRi lost me completely by singing, “Did you ever know that you’re my heeeeeeeeero?“, to Rachel Dolezal. Oh, I guess it’s just edgy RiRi being edgy RiRi and it’s funny that she says that it woke people up, because it sounds like she was asleep when we all found out about the shit that Rachel Dolezal did. (And reminder to self: Switch up your weed strain.)