Because Everybody Asked For This: The Gender-Swapped Twilight Is Here

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Stephenie Meyer must have gotten sick of copy cat bitches (see: E.L. James) stealing her brilliant literary ideas and multi-dimensional characters, so she decided to join them by copying herself.

Since it was Twilight’s 10th anniversary yesterday, many Twihards thought that Stephenie would give them the gift of Midnight Sun, the story of Twatlight told from Edward Cullen’s perspective. But Stephenie has given them something even better. Stephenie has “reimaginedTwilight by swapping the genders of the main characters. Stephenie worked tirelessly on reworking her literary masterpiece and by that I mean she pretty much kept everything the same and used the “find and replace” function to change the names “Bella” and “Edward” to “Beau” and “Edythe.” Yes, Bella is now Beau and Edward is Edythe. I love it! Edythe sounds like the name of a grouchy old conservative memaw and Beau sounds like the name of the mischievous mutt she was forced to take care of after her husband died. The names are perfect!

Stephenie was on Good Morning America today to talk about her gender-swapped Twatlight titled Life and Death, and she says she did it, because she loves and wants more MONAY. No, she said she did it, because she wanted to know what it would be like if the boy was the “damsel in distress” and blah blah fart blah blah queef blah…

“It’s always bothered me a little bit because anyone surrounded by superheroes is going to be … in distress. We don’t have the powers,” Meyer said. “I thought, ‘What if we switched it around a bit and see how a boy does,’ and, you know, it’s about the same.”

“The further you get in, the more it changes because the personalities get a little bit different, but it starts out very similar and really, it really is the same story because it’s just a love story and it doesn’t matter who’s the boy and who’s the girl, it still works out,” she said.

The 10th anniversary bonus material was supposed to be just “one or two” chapters, Meyer wrote in the book’s foreword, but turned into nearly 400 pages after Meyer says she found the re-imagining of the story “really fast and easy” to write.

“I wonder if it will change how people look at Bella a little bit, to see her as him,” Meyer, 41, said on “GMA.”

“I do feel like it’s really very much the same thing., so I guess my hope is that maybe the younger readers will be reintroduced because a lot of my readers, you know, they’re all 10 years older now and so there’s a whole new generation.”

Stephenie promises that Life and Death will be the only gender-swapped Twilight book. Yeah, right, if Life and Death makes millions upon millions of dollars, we can expect to be terrorized with more gender-swapped Twilight books and movies. But you know, I can’t hate on Stephenie Meyer for milking that sparkly shit until it’s 100% dry. The Nutty Madams of the world will always eat up what she shits out. I hope this leads to an all-gay Twilight (it won’t), an all-lesbian Twilight, an all-cat Twilight, an all-puppy Twilight, an all-guinea pig Twilight, an all-sloth Twilight and on and on and on.

And somewhere, E.L. James has begun writing the reimagining of Fifty Shades of Grey titled Live and Die, the story of a mysterious billionaire business woman named Christianna Grey who lures a young, naive student named Anastasio “Ano” Steele into a world of desire… I wonder what she’s going to do with the tampon scene?

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