Pope Francis And Kim Davis Aren’t BFFs After All

October 2, 2015 / Posted by:

A few days ago, bootleg Duggar and gay marriage hater Kim Davis was like:

“Big Papa Frankie – he lets me call him that – asked me out weeks ago and we had a beautiful long date and he told me he loved me, showered me with gifts and promised me that we’d be in each other’s hearts forever.”

Today, Pope Francis was like:

“Errr, yeah, we went out, but after 5 minutes, I acted like I had to go to the bathroom and left while blocking her number on my phone.”

We’ve all been there.

Crazy Kim Davis and her lawyer at the Liberty Counsel bragged to the media about how the Vatican called her up weeks ago to set up a private meeting between her and Pope Francis during his visit to DC. Kim told Good Morning America that the meeting went down at the Vatican Embassy in DC and during their 15-minute-long date, he gave her his support, asked her to pray for him and gifted her and her husband with two rosaries. At first, the Vatican only said that they wouldn’t deny the meeting happened. But after Kim Davis ran her mouth and made it seem like the Pope is the Thelma to her Louise, the Vatican cleared it all up in a statement. They released a statement saying that Kim Davis was just one of the many he met with and the Vatican didn’t invite her. Some other organization did. The only person the Pope personally invited to hang out with him was one of his students. The Vatican also said that he never told Kim Davis he was down for her.

The brief meeting between Mrs. Kim Davis and Pope Francis at the Apostolic Nunciature in Washington, DC has continued to provoke comments and discussion. In order to contribute to an objective understanding of what transpired I am able to clarify the following points:

Pope Francis met with several dozen persons who had been invited by the Nunciature to greet him as he prepared to leave Washington for New York City. Such brief greetings occur on all papal visits and are due to the Pope’s characteristic kindness and availability. The only real audience granted by the Pope at the Nunciature was with one of his former students and his family.

The Pope did not enter into the details of the situation of Mrs. Davis and his meeting with her should not be considered a form of support of her position in all of its particular and complex aspects.

The Pope basically just called Kim Davis a liar. In related news, Satan just named one of the unholy roller suites in the Ninth Circle after her.

The other Pope, Olivia Pope, must be working for the Vatican now and is trying hard to restore Pope Francis’ image as the “cool Pope.” Because today, an openly gay man and his partner told CNN that the Pope personally invited them via e-mail to meet with him. The man also claims that the Pope called him up weeks beforehand and told him that he would love to give him a “hug.” The meeting happened a day before the Kim Davis meeting and the Pope did hug the guy.

Meanwhile, the Liberty Counsel shat up a statement this morning saying that the Vatican did invite Kim Davis and the meeting was completely private. They also tweeted the picture above of Kim Davis at the Vatican Embassy in DC. That’s her receipt?! Bitch needs to try harder. I wouldn’t be surprised if we found out that this picture was actually taken this morning in the lobby of a Hampton Inn. “She pulled that picture out of her bag and took a selfie next to it for some reason, weird…” is what a Hampton Inn front desk clerk will tell the media later.

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