Matt Damon offended people with his shit-brained comments about diversity in Hollywood and he also offended people with his words about actors keeping their gayness private. Well, now he may have offended JLo. I’m just waiting for the moment when I need to grease my face with Vaseline and put razors in my hair after he offends me by shit-talking Joan Collins. Matt is on a roll so that day is coming.
While pushing The Martian in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Matt Damon, who thinks actors should keep their private lives private, talked about his private life. Matt Damon praises Ben Affleck for being a douche Phoenix who rose from JLo’s ass and flew to the tippity top of the A-list. Matt says that during the Bennifer 1.0 phase of Ben’s life, it was really hard being his best brofriend, because the media painted him as something he wasn’t. Nobody has known struggle the way Ben Affleck has known struggle!
“There’s nobody who’s more misunderstood. Ten years ago, the public image of him could not have been farther apart from who he actually is. It was like he was being cast in a role, that he was a talentless kind of meathead, with his whole relationship with Jennifer Lopez. He just got cast as this person that he wasn’t. It was just really painful. It was painful to be his friend, because it wasn’t fair, you know? To my mind, nobody really got him at all. And through his work, he climbed from the bottom of the mountain all the way back up to the top and past where either of us had ever been.”
You can go ahead and sprinkle a heaping serving of “Bitch, Please” on top of the plate of STFU that Matt Damon needs to eat. Yes, Bennifer 1.0 was a nightmare for all of us, but Ben Affleck was eating it up, figuratively and literally. He was kissing on JLo’s oiled-up ass in her video and whoring their relationship out in interviews with her. Bitch was loving it. I do like how Matt Damon said that back then his public image was the furthest apart from who he actually is and today his public image is that of a nanny-fucking, gambling mess with the sensitivity of a DMV employee on a Monday morning. Matt didn’t say anything about his public image today.
But really, if we only knew the struggles Ben Affleck faced back then, we all would’ve lit a candle and prayed for him during that difficult time of him fucking JLo and getting paid millions of dollars to make a piece of shit movie. We should all start a GoFundMePage to raise money for a memorial (a giant metal replica of JLo’s ass with Ben’s tearful face etched into its left cheek) so we’ll never forget that dark, terrible time in Ben and Matt’s life. We must never forget.
And here’s JLo looking like Peaches and Cream 50s Housewife Barbie with Casper the Friendly Gold Digger at a United Nations event a few days ago.