Archives: October 2015

Night Crumbs

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge was given some special rugby boots with his name on them while visiting the Paignton Rugby Club. I have shoes just like that! Except mine say “Mr. Prince Harry” on them and I wear them with my “Husband of Prince Harry” half t-shirt and my customized ass-less sweats with the words “Property Of Hot Ginge” on the crotch. When I wear that outfit out, everybody gives me compliments. “I’m calling the police on you, you crazy fuck” is a compliment, right? – Lainey Gossip 

Ronda Rousey is going to pummel Justin Bieber until he’s a puddle of syrup and then she’s going to enjoy that syrup with a stack of pancakes. Yes, it’ll have a slight taste of dirty douche water, but Ronda will still enjoy it – The Superficial 

Meanwhile, the gay mafia hibernates in their den… – Towleroad

Kate Winslet is in lingerie in Esquire – Hollywood Tuna 

Bradley Cooper’s ex-beard is in Vogue BrazilDrunken Stepfather

This pig is on bath salts – The Berry 

Holly Madison thinks “Jessica” is a stripper name and also thinks having a stripper name is a bad thing – Celebitchy

In that orange dress, Cate Blanchett looks like a Three’s Company extra and I’m into it – Just Jared

Kiki Dunst’s dress looks like leather made from baby diarrhea – Popoholic

That pig’s side-eye says everything that needs to be said – SOW

Panty Creamer of the Day: Liam Hemsworth’s nipples – Popsugar

Backdoor Farrah is continuing to prove that her delusion knows no bounds – Reality Tea 

And Kelly Rutherford is continuing to prove that her gift for crying to the press knows no bounds – Jezebel

Nicole Brown’s dog is the lone star of the newest teaser for American Crime Story: The People vs O.J. Simpson OMG Blog

Kanye West totally designed RiRi’s album cover – Boy Culture 

Pic: Getty


Who Worked It Better: Phoebe Price vs. Miley Cyrus

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

On the left is a ginger goddess of posing perfection wearing the finest custom-couture from the House of Saran Wrap and Walgreens, and on the right is some bottom tier trailer chipmunk trying to give us fashion and failing at it.

Phoebe Price started Slutoween off the right way by modeling more elegant and expensive versions of Miley Cyrus’ MTV VMA outfits. PP was shot by a world-renowned photographer (or a paparazzo she called, same thing) in one of the most exclusive photo studios in Paris (or her garage, same thing) for French Vogue (or French Guiana Penthouse, again, same thing). Comparing Chicken Cutlets and Miley Cyrus is like comparing a flawless rare diamond worth millions and a raccoon’s kidney stone. You know, that side-by-side picture should be used in mental health evaluations. The psychiatrist should hold up that picture and ask, “Who worked it better?” If the first letter that comes out of the patient’s mouth isn’t a P, they should be dragged off to a padded cell immediately!

Pics: Splash, Getty

Guess Who’s Probably Coming Back To The US Next Week?

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

You probably read that headline question and looked at that picture and wondered, “Errr, doesn’t David Lee Crosby already live in the US and the hell kind of shit is he on?”

That’s Randy Quaid and he may be back inside the US as early as next week. We’ve all been warned. Randy was arrested in Montreal yesterday morning during one of his regular check-ups with Canada Border Services. When Randy’s application for permanent residency in Canada was denied in 2013 due to felony vandalism charges he faces in Santa Barbara, CA, he was supposed to go a hearing with the Immigration and Refugee Board. Randy farted on that hearing by not going. A warrant was issued for his arrest in 2013 and the police lost track of him and his batshit wife Evi Quaid until this past April. Randy was arrested and was later released on $10,000 bail. Randy had to check-in with Border Services regularly and that leads us up to him getting put into handcuffs again yesterday.


Open Post: Hosted By A Game Of Tug-O-War Between Two Guinea Pigs

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

The Summer Olympics are still 10 months away, so there’s plenty of time to add guinea pig tug-o-war to the list of events. This is what the Olympics needs! This video of two guinea pig sisters fighting over a blade of grass has been watched over 40 million times since it was uploaded to Facebook a few days ago. 39.9 million of those views probably came from me. Some people have called this video a “Lady and the Tramp” moment. Those people are disgusting! These guinea pigs are sisters and their names are Grace and Suzie, not Kylie and Kendall.

Gracie and Suzie (sisters) play tug of war in slow motion! ❤️ Jukin Media Verified (Original)* For licensing / permission to use: Contact – licensing(at)jukinmediadotcom

Posted by Bivoir Cavies on Friday, October 2, 2015

The only way this video could get any better is if they were both drunk and were on a raft in North Carolina.


Just When You Thought That Florida Couldn’t Get Any Crazier

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Q: How can you make my favorite state Florida a thousand times crazier?

A: Inject some Tom Cruise into it!

Floridians better curb their glibness, because the Prince of Scientology may become a full-time citizen of their land. Tommy is currently trying to sell his 10,000 square foot Beverly Hills mansion on the down low for $50 million. So if you have $50 million and you’re looking for a mansion that’s got an underground cell for your prison bride and an enormous shoe closet to house all of your high heels in, look no more. But Tommy isn’t looking for another mansion in Los Angeles. A source tells UsWeekly that he wants to live closer to Scientology’s headquarters in Clearwater, FL.

“Tom hates living in L.A. and is relocating to Florida,” a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly. “He thinks all the people in Hollywood are fake.”

The Scientologist, 53, who listed his Beverly Hills mansion for $59 million, is also looking forward to being closer to his church’s headquarters in Clearwater, Fla. Fellow believer John Travolta “loves his life there and inspired Tom,” says the source. “He was ready to go.”

Tommy does have a point. People in Hollywood are really fake and I bet even their Thetans are filled with Botox and silicone. It’s best that he goes off to Florida to be with real, sane people who believe in real things like an intergalactic dictator who ruled a space confederacy 75 million years ago and brought his billions of followers to earth so he could stack them around volcanoes and kill them with hydrogen bombs. Real stuff like that.

And honestly, if Tommy Girl moves to Florida, I’m sure the state’s production of authentic fuckery will drop by a huge percentage. Because all of the gator fuckers, meth heads and beautiful messes are going to throw up their hands and say, “There goes the neighborhood,” before moving to another state.



Taylor Swift Learned A Valuable Lesson From Her Awkward Twitter Moment With Nicki Minaj

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Seen above on the cover of NME looking like a young, blond and stoned David Cassidy in Fergie Ferg drag, Taylor Swift tells the magazine that she filed a new lesson into her brain after the little Twitter “dust-up” she had with Nicki Minaj over the MTV VMA nominations. Yes, I’m still talking about it and in 40 years when we’re all in the retirement home waiting for our nurses to finish rolling us a Metamucil-infused joint, I’m going to tell you about the new riveting expose I read in AARP about the 2015 Twitter feud between Taylor Swift Bieber Trump Zuckerberg and Onika Minaj Graham. We’re going to hear about this for the rest of our days.

Selena Gomez Didn’t Go To Rehab, She Was Undergoing Chemotherapy, You Assholes!

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Two Februarys ago, everyone (including our asshole asses) spread the story that Selena Gomez had spent two weeks in The Meadows, a rehab place in Arizona, to deal with all sorts of shit including an addiction to booze, Ambien, weed and Bieber dick. The story was that Selena needed to get herself together and cleanse her soul after spending so much time with Justin Bieber and his gang of dried taint scabs. Selena’s abuelo later said that she has lupus and was in treatment for that. Selena hasn’t talked about it until her newest interview with Billboard. Selena is screaming, “I have lupus, you assholes, and shut the hell up, Dr. House, I know what you’re going to say next.

Selena tells Billboard that she wanted to verbally throat punch all the pieces of trash who said that she took a break for rehab, because she really took a break to treat her lupus with chemotherapy.

“I was diagnosed with lupus, and I’ve been through chemotherapy. That’s what my break was really about. I could’ve had a stroke. I wanted so badly to say, ‘You guys have no idea. I’m in chemotherapy. You’re assholes.’ I locked myself away until I was confident and comfortable again.”

When the wrong story made the rounds, Selena felt bad, because she didn’t think she deserved that kind of treatment. She’s a nice person! She’s a UNICEF ambassador! She doesn’t deserve to be gossiped about like that! Selena’s quotes gave me light shades of Angelea’s unforgettable “Bitch, I worked at a bank” monologue from America’s Next Top Model.

“I’m so fucking nice to everybody, and everyone is so vile to me. I’ve been working since I was 7. I’ve been a UNICEF ambassador since I was 17. It’s so disappointing that I’ve become a tabloid story. The hate motivated me.”

Selena says that all the shit-talking and hate took her music to places it’s never been before. Hmmmm, so if her new album is a huge hit, all of us who passed around that story and talked a lot of shit should get a cut of its profits. E-mail us for our PayPal info, Selena! But seriously, Selena may not have gone to rehab, but I probably should go. Because I had an early morning nightmare where I was dancing to Justin Bieber’s “What Do You Mean?” and I had a smile on my face. That nightmare is my self-conscious’ way of telling me, “GET HELP.”

John Stamos Was On GHB When He Got Busted For DUI

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

One cop got to live out a piece of your wet dream fantasy last June when they handcuffed John Stamos, only it wasn’t sexy at all. We all thought that Stephanie Tanner was the worst driver in the Full House cast when her dumbass crashed Joey’s car into the kitchen, but Uncle Jesse took that title when he was arrested for DUI in Beverly Hills.

John Stamos was pulled over on the night of June 12th after several people called 911 to report that his silver Mercedes was swerving all over the place. Strangely enough, the cops didn’t find out that John was swerving all over the place because he was having a foursome with three chicks in the front seat of his car. (That’s how he usually spends his Friday nights, right?) John was messed up and he was so out of it that he had to be taken to the hospital.

TMZ says that the Los Angeles District Attorney will charge John Stamos with DUI. John was allegedly under the influence of a non-narcotic drug and GHB, better known as the date rape drug to you and me. A source close to John Stamos (Hi, Uncle Jesse’s publicist!) tells TMZ that he wasn’t roofied and he wasn’t taking it to get high. John was using GHB as a fitness supplement to “lean out body mass,” so he could be body hot-ready for Fuller House. Apparently, many bodybuilders use it, as did ravers back in the day. And here I was thinking that John Stamos’ hotness came from good genes and eating Greek yogurt.

John checked into 30-day rehab shortly after he was busted.

I honestly didn’t know that GHB is used as a fitness supplement until I read this story this morning. You know who else just found that out? Bill Cosby. Because he just announced that he’s finally retiring from show business and is going to pursue a job as a full-time supplement consultant at a Curves gym.



Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Liz Taylor (as played by Denis O’Hare) from American Horror Story: Hotel.

I don’t even know why tricks check into that hotel on AHS: Hotel, because as soon as Kathy Bates told me they don’t have WiFi, my rolling luggage and I would’ve changed course and headed straight for the nearest Comfort Inn Suites while calling the Better Business Bureau to report that stone age dump for not providing Internet access in 2015. WiFi is a RIGHT not a privilege. You know how in horror movies when dumb bitch characters do stupid shit like run up to the second floor instead of out the front door when the murderer is chasing them? Checking into a giant hotel with no WiFi is the same stupid ass move. Nothing good can come from that. And now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…

American Horror Story: No WiFi premiered last night and to me, it was like The Hunger wrapped in The Shining wrapped in a really long Lady CaCa video and topped with a good old-fashioned drill bit dildo ass rape scene. Lady Gaga didn’t talk that much in the first episode and they should’ve kept it that way, because what came out of her mouth was the real horror story. It’s like Madge’s fake ass British accent and an old-timey movie accent fucked in her mouth. She rolled out a vaguely European accent that let us know that she’s a serious ACK-TORR now! But two things made up for Gaga’s accent: Matt Boner’s ass and Denis O’Hare.

Denis O’Hare (more like Denis No’Hair) plays Liz Taylor and in the few scenes he was in, he proved to me that he should’ve played Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime’s Liz & Dick movie. He could’ve played both roles actually. Liz Taylor is sort of like a queen-of-all-trades of the hotel, but her main job is to provide glamour and hotness. The malnourished James St. James is lightly sprinkled throughout the first episode, but Denis promises the season will have heaping amounts of Liz Taylor in it including a beautiful” love scene. I hope that means there will be a scene of him gently brushing Matt Boner’s locks while he’s done up as Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra and Boner is done up as Richard Burton as Mark Antony. That would be an American dream story.

Pic: FX


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