Archives: October 2015

Nicole Kidman Didn’t Even Know About Isabella Cruise’s Wedding

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

The Australian tabloid Woman’s Day was the first to say that Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise’s 22-year-old daughter Isabella Cruise married her non-Scientologist boyfriend Max Parker at a fancy hotel in London on September 18th. The details were about as convoluted as Tommy Girl’s thought process.

Woman’s Day said that Tommy Girl wasn’t at the wedding, but Nicole Kidman was. Radar piped in and also said that Tommy wasn’t there and they added that he had never met his daughter’s new husband. But then a Tommy Girl source (E.T. probably) told TMZ that he wasn’t at the wedding, but it wasn’t a big deal. Isabella wanted to keep the wedding small and so no parents were invited. TMZ’s source also said that Tom paid for the wedding and had met Max Parker before. Well, now Page Six is jumping in with their side. They say that Tommy was at the wedding and Nicole Kidman didn’t even know it was happening.

RiRi On The Difficult Brown, One-Night Stands And “Hero” Rachel Dolezal

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

RiRi doesn’t really have anything to sell right now, besides her daily pap walks, Instagram posts and bottles of stank, but she’s on the cover of Vanity Fair and in the interview, she says words about everything from Chris Brown to casual boning to Rachel Dolezal. If your brain completely erased every memory of Rachel Dolezal, I’m jealous of you. But let me remind you who that mess is. Rachel Dolezal is Sideshow Bob’s transracial second cousin who pretended to be black and was the only thing the media talked about for a little while. You know, she was the Kim Davis of June 2015. We all forgot about Rachel Dolezal until RiRi said her name again. Damn you, RiRi, you woke the fame whore beast! But before we get to that…

Grace Jones Is Talking Shit About Lady Gaga Again

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

I really, really hope that Grace Jones’Reading These Hos Tour” never ever ends, because her beautiful words wrapped in pure bitchiness never fail to take me up, up and away and when I read her interviews I know how Jesus’ apostles felt when he spoke to them. In her memoirs, I Will Never Write My Memoirs, Grace Jones lines up many pop trick of today and slaps them down for copying her. While promoting her memoirs, Grace also slapped down Kanye West for jacking ideas from her and said that he’ll get a face full of her if they ever cross paths. Well, now it’s Lady CaCa’s turn to feel the wrath of Grace again.

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

The most-loved ATM in Skoghall, Sweden, if not the world! 

ATMs can bring you happiness (example: when you’re about to meet your weed man, who only takes cash, and you’ve walked 4 blocks before finding an ATM that isn’t broken) and ATMs can bring you sadness (example: when it tells you that you have insufficient funds and you scream at it to please break the rules this time and stop being a square) and I don’t remember the last time I used one, but it’s nice knowing that there’s usually one nearby. The people of Skoghall, Sweden (population: 13,000) haven’t experienced the emotional highs and lows of using an ATM in six months, because that’s the last time their town has had one. But that changed the other day and their lives will never be the same again.

Sweden is one of the most cashless societies in the world (they buy everything with Ikea meatballs) and Skoghall lost its last ATM six months ago, so when a new ATM was unveiled in their town, it was a celebration. I’ve been to birthday parties that weren’t as elaborate as the opening of this ATM was. A reporter showed up to cover the important event, a musical duo yodeled out “We have gotten a new ATM” to the tune of Monty Python’s Always Look On The Bright Side and a dude on the roof threw candy into the streets.

The Daily Star claims that this video is 100% real and isn’t a scene from a Christopher Guest movie:

Were the people so mesmerized by that ATM that they didn’t realize that candy was falling from the sky? Maybe it’s because as a kid I learned I had to elbow and trip brats as soon as the piñata broke open, but I would’ve been all over that candy. Or maybe not. Maybe I would’ve been hypnotized by that beautiful cash machine too. It’s the little things (that charge you a fee and don’t work all the time) in life… Skoghall is doing it right, though. Life is too short to not throw a party for a new ATM. Welcome to the world, Skoghall ATM!


Birthday Sluts

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Elisabeth Shue (52)
Roshon Fegan (24)
Olivia Thirlby (29)
Ricky Hatton (37)
Melinda Doolittle (38)
Jeremy Sisto (41)
Jeff B. Davis (42)
Ioan Gruffudd (42)
Lamman Rucker (44)
Amy Jo Johnson (45)
Jacqueline Obradors (49)
Matthew Sweet (51)
Kevin Cronin (64)
Les Moonves (66)
Britt Ekland (73)
Ellen Travolta (75)

Pic: Mark Seliger


Night Crumbs

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Kim Kartrashian hates being pregnant and calls it the worst experience of her life. Two things: 1) Her swollen, tortured hooves agree with her and; 2) I’m sure she knows it’s all worth it, because soon she’ll have another dress-up doll to parade in front of the paps!   – HuffPo

Alicia Vikander and Michael Fassbender are probably still doing it – Lainey Gossip

Kosmopolitan has gone from telling you how to have a 15-minute orgasm to making you heave for 15 minutes by calling the Kartrashians America’s First Family  – Celebitchy

The Porn Iguana and Doug Hutchinson’s rotten potato-looking ass are proving their undying love for each other attention by renewing their vows – Reality Tea 

An ice cube sucks on an ice cube in Interview MagazineDrunken Stepfather

I don’t really see the Hammaconda in any of these pictures. I’m guessing it’s hiding because it’s embarrassed by those shorts – The Superficial 

As expected, DJ Tanner was very loving and understanding when talking about Danny Pintauro being HIV positive. But more importantly, Danny Pintauro used to work at P.F. Chang’s! Why am I just finding out about this now? I could’ve enjoyed a plate of Mongolian Beef while staring at Mona Robinson’s grandson – Towleroad

Yolanda Foster’s modeling child thinks Taylor Swift’s Girl Squad is about girl power and not cattiness. I guess nobody told her what “Bad Blood” is about – IDLYITW

Vanessa Hudgens is dressed like an American Apparel grandma and it might be the most “normal” outfit I’ve seen her in ever – Popoholic

Why is Kate Upton wearing one of Mr. Furley’s jumpsuits? – Hollywood Tuna 

ICYMI: The soft peen that made a cameo appearance during The Affair last night – Jezebel

I don’t know who this is, but he has a butt and is showing it off and that’s all we need to know – (NSFW for butt) OMG Blog

Jason Momoa and Emilia Clarke reunited – Pajiba

That shirt Kendra Wilkinson’s wearing: I want it – WWTDD

That paper towel is laced with meth, right? – The Berry 

And let’s end with Orlando Bloom’s nipples – Popsugar



Claire Danes Doesn’t Really Regret The Whole “Billy Crudup Leaving A Pregnant Mary-Louise Parker For Her” Thing

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

All the way back in 2003, Claire Danes got her star on the Home Wreckers Walk of Fame when Billy Crudup dumped a knocked-up Mary-Louise Parker to be with her. At the time, Mary-Louise Parker was 7 months pregnant with Billy Crudup’s baby, so the ESCANDALO alarm was rung several times. Billy Crudup got dragged because he was the cold-hearted gaping asshole who left his pregnant girlfriend of 8 years for another piece. Claire Danes got dragged because she was the hussy harlot who got with a taken dude. Claire was on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM radio show this morning to promote Homeland, and Howard brought up the messiness that was her relationship with Billy. Claire sort of shrugged it off in a “shit happens” kind of way:

Howard: When you decided to date the guy you acted with in the play, Billy Crudup. Alright, he was a married guy and just had a kid, and you start dating him. Of course, he’s getting shit for it and all that. Is that such a scary thing because people are judging you?

Claire: Yeah, that was a scary thing. That was really hard.

Howard: When you go through something like that, are you thinking of your career? Are you like, “What am I doing?” Because people are so goddamn judgmental and all of this stuff?

Claire: Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t know how to not do that. I was just in love with him and needed to explore that. And I was 24, didn’t quite know what those consequences might be.

Howard: Yeah, you never do know.

Claire: Yeah, you never know, but you know, it’s okay. I went through it. We’re friendly. We’re friends! I mean, yeah.

The hell kind of response is that? Claire Danes is so strong for getting through that. I don’t think Claire Danes needs to pull out one of her signature cries or anything, but it seems like she’s trying to act like she cares when she doesn’t really give a fuck. She also pulled those excuses out of her asshole. First of all, most 24-year-olds are way past that “I’m so sweet and naive and don’t know anything” phase and it sounds like she was dickmatized. When she said, “Needed to explore that,” I heard, “Needed to explore that dick!” So if Claire’s going to talk about it, she just needs to keep it all the way real by saying, “Listen, the dick was good and I wanted that dick all the time until I got bored with it and got me some new dick. The end. NEXT!

Here’s Claire outside of SiriusXM’s studios this morning.

Pics: Splash


So, I See That Hobie From Baywatch Is Still Doing Well….

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

When we last left Jeremy Jackson, he was busted by the cops for stabbing a dude in Westlake Village, CA. That was in April. Jeremy was never charged with anything, because he cried self defense and the District Attorney’s Office agreed with him. Well, Hobie struck, or should I say stabbed, again and this time he’s actually facing charges.

TMZ says that Jeremy Jackson allegedly went crazy and stabbed a woman near his home in L.A. on August 6th. The woman claims that Jeremy Jackson tried to steal her boyfriend’s car and when she stopped him, he stabbed her in her back, arm and leg. Because this is something you really want to see, her’s a picture of one of her alleged Hobie-made wounds:


Jeremy ran his ass away from the scene, but the cops picked him at a hotel. The D.A. charged him with with felony counts of assault with a deadly weapon and making criminal threats. He pleaded not guilty and the judge set his bail at $80,000, so I’m guessing David Hasselhoff got a call in the middle of the night from his TV son looking for a little loan. The Wrap says that the Celebrity Rehab graduate will have to show his face in court on October 28th.

Are Jeremy Jackson and Nicholas Brendon in a competition to see which one of them can get the most mug shots in one year? I’m guessing that Jeremy will win if he keeps trying to (allegedly) snatch cars and stab tricks in what sounds like drug deals gone terribly wrong. I don’t know whether to blame Dr. Drew of The Hoff or both. And to think, I thought Jeremy Jackson had hit rock bottom when he decided to tell all of us about the time he walked around with Michelle Williams’ dried ass juices on his fingers for two weeks:

Asked about his celebrity hook-ups, Jeremy copped to dating Katie Holmes early in her career: “My secret rendezvous girlfriend. Yeah, we messed around.” And Katie’s Dawson’s Creek co-star, Michelle Williams–Hobie once fingered her until she whispered that he was working the wrong hole: “I was learning the ropes, man. You know…I didn’t wash my hands for a couple weeks.”


Open Post: Hosted By Benji Madden’s Gorgeous Scalp Tattoo

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Behold, Benji Madden’s hot new edgy scalp tattoo that probably took hours upon hours to do and left him with the kind of headache I get after listening to 2 Good Charlotte songs in a row.

While leaving some restaurant in West Hollywood last night, Cameron Diaz’s husband gave the paps a good look at the scalp tattoo that makes him look like The Last Airbender if The Last Airbender grew up, moved to Florida, became a goth cult leader and also ran a meth lab in his garage. So he looks like The Last Methbender, basically. The good thing about that tattoo is that Benji can tell everybody that no, he’s not shaving his head because he’s balding. He shaves his head to show off his hot new edgy scalp tattoo, thankyouverymuch.

And Cameron Diaz’s drunk ass was so drunk last night that she fell over. Or maybe she wasn’t drunk at all and she fell over when she was once again hit with the realization that every time she looks down while her husband is licking her cooch, she’ll have to stare at the giant stained glass tattoo on his head.

Pics: Splash


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