Archives: October 2015

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

The most-loved ATM in Skoghall, Sweden, if not the world! 

ATMs can bring you happiness (example: when you’re about to meet your weed man, who only takes cash, and you’ve walked 4 blocks before finding an ATM that isn’t broken) and ATMs can bring you sadness (example: when it tells you that you have insufficient funds and you scream at it to please break the rules this time and stop being a square) and I don’t remember the last time I used one, but it’s nice knowing that there’s usually one nearby. The people of Skoghall, Sweden (population: 13,000) haven’t experienced the emotional highs and lows of using an ATM in six months, because that’s the last time their town has had one. But that changed the other day and their lives will never be the same again.

Sweden is one of the most cashless societies in the world (they buy everything with Ikea meatballs) and Skoghall lost its last ATM six months ago, so when a new ATM was unveiled in their town, it was a celebration. I’ve been to birthday parties that weren’t as elaborate as the opening of this ATM was. A reporter showed up to cover the important event, a musical duo yodeled out “We have gotten a new ATM” to the tune of Monty Python’s Always Look On The Bright Side and a dude on the roof threw candy into the streets.

The Daily Star claims that this video is 100% real and isn’t a scene from a Christopher Guest movie:

Were the people so mesmerized by that ATM that they didn’t realize that candy was falling from the sky? Maybe it’s because as a kid I learned I had to elbow and trip brats as soon as the piñata broke open, but I would’ve been all over that candy. Or maybe not. Maybe I would’ve been hypnotized by that beautiful cash machine too. It’s the little things (that charge you a fee and don’t work all the time) in life… Skoghall is doing it right, though. Life is too short to not throw a party for a new ATM. Welcome to the world, Skoghall ATM!


Birthday Sluts

October 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Elisabeth Shue (52)
Roshon Fegan (24)
Olivia Thirlby (29)
Ricky Hatton (37)
Melinda Doolittle (38)
Jeremy Sisto (41)
Jeff B. Davis (42)
Ioan Gruffudd (42)
Lamman Rucker (44)
Amy Jo Johnson (45)
Jacqueline Obradors (49)
Matthew Sweet (51)
Kevin Cronin (64)
Les Moonves (66)
Britt Ekland (73)
Ellen Travolta (75)

Pic: Mark Seliger


Night Crumbs

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Kim Kartrashian hates being pregnant and calls it the worst experience of her life. Two things: 1) Her swollen, tortured hooves agree with her and; 2) I’m sure she knows it’s all worth it, because soon she’ll have another dress-up doll to parade in front of the paps!   – HuffPo

Alicia Vikander and Michael Fassbender are probably still doing it – Lainey Gossip

Kosmopolitan has gone from telling you how to have a 15-minute orgasm to making you heave for 15 minutes by calling the Kartrashians America’s First Family  – Celebitchy

The Porn Iguana and Doug Hutchinson’s rotten potato-looking ass are proving their undying love for each other attention by renewing their vows – Reality Tea 

An ice cube sucks on an ice cube in Interview MagazineDrunken Stepfather

I don’t really see the Hammaconda in any of these pictures. I’m guessing it’s hiding because it’s embarrassed by those shorts – The Superficial 

As expected, DJ Tanner was very loving and understanding when talking about Danny Pintauro being HIV positive. But more importantly, Danny Pintauro used to work at P.F. Chang’s! Why am I just finding out about this now? I could’ve enjoyed a plate of Mongolian Beef while staring at Mona Robinson’s grandson – Towleroad

Yolanda Foster’s modeling child thinks Taylor Swift’s Girl Squad is about girl power and not cattiness. I guess nobody told her what “Bad Blood” is about – IDLYITW

Vanessa Hudgens is dressed like an American Apparel grandma and it might be the most “normal” outfit I’ve seen her in ever – Popoholic

Why is Kate Upton wearing one of Mr. Furley’s jumpsuits? – Hollywood Tuna 

ICYMI: The soft peen that made a cameo appearance during The Affair last night – Jezebel

I don’t know who this is, but he has a butt and is showing it off and that’s all we need to know – (NSFW for butt) OMG Blog

Jason Momoa and Emilia Clarke reunited – Pajiba

That shirt Kendra Wilkinson’s wearing: I want it – WWTDD

That paper towel is laced with meth, right? – The Berry 

And let’s end with Orlando Bloom’s nipples – Popsugar



Claire Danes Doesn’t Really Regret The Whole “Billy Crudup Leaving A Pregnant Mary-Louise Parker For Her” Thing

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

All the way back in 2003, Claire Danes got her star on the Home Wreckers Walk of Fame when Billy Crudup dumped a knocked-up Mary-Louise Parker to be with her. At the time, Mary-Louise Parker was 7 months pregnant with Billy Crudup’s baby, so the ESCANDALO alarm was rung several times. Billy Crudup got dragged because he was the cold-hearted gaping asshole who left his pregnant girlfriend of 8 years for another piece. Claire Danes got dragged because she was the hussy harlot who got with a taken dude. Claire was on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM radio show this morning to promote Homeland, and Howard brought up the messiness that was her relationship with Billy. Claire sort of shrugged it off in a “shit happens” kind of way:

Howard: When you decided to date the guy you acted with in the play, Billy Crudup. Alright, he was a married guy and just had a kid, and you start dating him. Of course, he’s getting shit for it and all that. Is that such a scary thing because people are judging you?

Claire: Yeah, that was a scary thing. That was really hard.

Howard: When you go through something like that, are you thinking of your career? Are you like, “What am I doing?” Because people are so goddamn judgmental and all of this stuff?

Claire: Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t know how to not do that. I was just in love with him and needed to explore that. And I was 24, didn’t quite know what those consequences might be.

Howard: Yeah, you never do know.

Claire: Yeah, you never know, but you know, it’s okay. I went through it. We’re friendly. We’re friends! I mean, yeah.

The hell kind of response is that? Claire Danes is so strong for getting through that. I don’t think Claire Danes needs to pull out one of her signature cries or anything, but it seems like she’s trying to act like she cares when she doesn’t really give a fuck. She also pulled those excuses out of her asshole. First of all, most 24-year-olds are way past that “I’m so sweet and naive and don’t know anything” phase and it sounds like she was dickmatized. When she said, “Needed to explore that,” I heard, “Needed to explore that dick!” So if Claire’s going to talk about it, she just needs to keep it all the way real by saying, “Listen, the dick was good and I wanted that dick all the time until I got bored with it and got me some new dick. The end. NEXT!

Here’s Claire outside of SiriusXM’s studios this morning.

Pics: Splash


So, I See That Hobie From Baywatch Is Still Doing Well….

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

When we last left Jeremy Jackson, he was busted by the cops for stabbing a dude in Westlake Village, CA. That was in April. Jeremy was never charged with anything, because he cried self defense and the District Attorney’s Office agreed with him. Well, Hobie struck, or should I say stabbed, again and this time he’s actually facing charges.

TMZ says that Jeremy Jackson allegedly went crazy and stabbed a woman near his home in L.A. on August 6th. The woman claims that Jeremy Jackson tried to steal her boyfriend’s car and when she stopped him, he stabbed her in her back, arm and leg. Because this is something you really want to see, her’s a picture of one of her alleged Hobie-made wounds:


Jeremy ran his ass away from the scene, but the cops picked him at a hotel. The D.A. charged him with with felony counts of assault with a deadly weapon and making criminal threats. He pleaded not guilty and the judge set his bail at $80,000, so I’m guessing David Hasselhoff got a call in the middle of the night from his TV son looking for a little loan. The Wrap says that the Celebrity Rehab graduate will have to show his face in court on October 28th.

Are Jeremy Jackson and Nicholas Brendon in a competition to see which one of them can get the most mug shots in one year? I’m guessing that Jeremy will win if he keeps trying to (allegedly) snatch cars and stab tricks in what sounds like drug deals gone terribly wrong. I don’t know whether to blame Dr. Drew of The Hoff or both. And to think, I thought Jeremy Jackson had hit rock bottom when he decided to tell all of us about the time he walked around with Michelle Williams’ dried ass juices on his fingers for two weeks:

Asked about his celebrity hook-ups, Jeremy copped to dating Katie Holmes early in her career: “My secret rendezvous girlfriend. Yeah, we messed around.” And Katie’s Dawson’s Creek co-star, Michelle Williams–Hobie once fingered her until she whispered that he was working the wrong hole: “I was learning the ropes, man. You know…I didn’t wash my hands for a couple weeks.”


Open Post: Hosted By Benji Madden’s Gorgeous Scalp Tattoo

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Behold, Benji Madden’s hot new edgy scalp tattoo that probably took hours upon hours to do and left him with the kind of headache I get after listening to 2 Good Charlotte songs in a row.

While leaving some restaurant in West Hollywood last night, Cameron Diaz’s husband gave the paps a good look at the scalp tattoo that makes him look like The Last Airbender if The Last Airbender grew up, moved to Florida, became a goth cult leader and also ran a meth lab in his garage. So he looks like The Last Methbender, basically. The good thing about that tattoo is that Benji can tell everybody that no, he’s not shaving his head because he’s balding. He shaves his head to show off his hot new edgy scalp tattoo, thankyouverymuch.

And Cameron Diaz’s drunk ass was so drunk last night that she fell over. Or maybe she wasn’t drunk at all and she fell over when she was once again hit with the realization that every time she looks down while her husband is licking her cooch, she’ll have to stare at the giant stained glass tattoo on his head.

Pics: Splash


Clutch Those Pearls, Xenu: Isabella Cruise May Have Married A Non-Scientologist (UPDATE)

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

The Australian tabloid Woman’s Day is about as reliable as any given Lohan, but I’m going to choose to believe that all of this is made of 100% potent truthiness, because it’s Monday and the right way to start any week is with the image of Tom Cruise screaming himself out of his lifts over his daughter marrying outside of Scientology. And he may not have been invited to the wedding. Seethe, Tommy Girl, seethe.

Woman’s Day said that when 22-year-old Isabella Cruise married British IT consultant Max Parker at The Dorchester Hotel in London on September 18, she kept the ceremony and party very intimate, because she didn’t want the media to find out. Isabella’s mom, Nicole Kidman, was there, but her brother Connor Cruise and her daddy Tommy Girl were not. Isabella Cruise recently graduated from beauty school and her classmates at the Vidal Sassoon Academy were her bridesmaids. Woman’s Day claims that picture next to Nicole Kidman’s Botoxed mug is of Isabella wearing her wedding dress while posing with her bridesmaids who wore jumpsuits that did weird things to their crotches.

Radar’s source says that Max Parker isn’t a Scientologist, but two of his groomsmen were.  The source also says that Max hasn’t even met Tommy Girl yet.

Isabella is apparently still a practicing Scientologist. So either Max Parker will have to eventually say goodbye to his sanity and become a Scientologist, or maybe, just maybe, Isabella Cruise is slowly backing away from the Church of Alien Craziness. If Isabella Cruise left Scientology, Tommy Girl wouldn’t be able to walk the halls of the Celebrity Centre with his nose up in the air like he’s Scientology’s Regina George and the queen bitch of that place. I mean, Tommy Girl let Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise get away. So if he let Isabella Cruise get away too, he’d lose major cred and every time he strolled into the Scientology bath house, the boys would throw him shady looks and say, “That bitch can’t even keep a prisoner,” under their breath.

UPDATE: And just as I hit the publish button, TMZ burped up an EXCLUSIVE about Isabella’s wedding. They say that Isabella did get married in London and they confirm that Tommy wasn’t there. But they say that no parents, including Nicole Kidman, were invited, because Isabella and Max wanted to keep their wedding extra small. Only a few friends were there. TMZ claims Tommy isn’t mad and he even paid for the wedding. The source also says that Tommy doesn’t give a shit about Max Parker not being a Scientologist and the two have hung out before. Yeah, okay, Tommy, I mean “TMZ’s source,” whatever you say.

The Feud Between Archie Panjabi And Julianna Marguiles Lives On

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

How professional of Archie Panjabi to pose with that fake smile on her face while she’s got a knife shoved deep into her back. And I’m in love with the lady in the background throwing a, “Well, well, well, look at these fake tricks acting all nice when just five minutes ago they were shanking each other in the parking lot” side-eye.

By now, everybody, even us hos who don’t watch The Good Wife, know that Julianna Marguiles and Archie Panjabi shot a scene separately in the show’s season six finale. (It was Archie’s last episode.) The rumor is that Julianna and Archie hate each other so much that they can’t do their jobs and they’d rather act with the air than act with each other. Julianna and Archie did the scene by themselves and they were spliced together in post-production. That scene was the first time in 40 episodes that their characters shared camera space together. The Good Wife’s creators denied that Archie and Julianna our the Alyssa Milano and Shannen Doherty of today. But Archie didn’t deny the “feud” when she was asked about it a few months ago. Cut to this past weekend at the New Yorker Festival when Julianna shat on the rumors of a feud.

Would You Hit It?

October 5, 2015 / Posted by:

I know you want to turn that picture into a seat cover for your office chair so you can sit on that tongue all day long.

Seen above looking like Prince William if Prince William was an early 80s IRS auditor instead of a multi-millionaire British royal, Matthew McConaughey was in NYC this past weekend shooting scenes for his new movie with Edgar Ramirez and Jessica Chastain’s understudy Bryce Dallas Howard. Gold isn’t only the color of the trophy (aka an Oscar) the Texas T-Rex is trying to get his claws around AGAIN, it’s also the name of the movie he’s shooting in NYC. Gold is about a dude who teams up with a hot dude (Edgar Ramirez) to search for gold in the jungles of Indonesia. That sounds very “Fool’s Gold,” and I hope that just like Fool’s Gold, there’s a scene where the two gold-digging partners fuck in a church. Yes, I’m so hard up that I’d find a way to fap to the sight of a fat suit-wearing Texas T-Rex riding on Edgar Ramirez.

Matthew McConaughey is pretty much copying the career moves of Christian Bale. Christian Bale starved himself down to the size of an Olsen’s clit for The Machinist and Matthew McConaughey did the same thing for Dallas Buyers Club. Christian Bale worked the bald look and added some chunk for American Hustle and Matthew McConaughey has shaved his glorious plugs-made hair and said “alright, alright, alright” to extra servings of pie for this Gold movie. I guess that means that Mathew McConaughey is going to play a superhero next. (That’s a studio’s cue to greenlight a Marijuanaman movie.)

And yes, yes I’d hit it. I’d ride it while playing his FUPA like a bongo.

Here’s more of Matthew McConaughey and Bryce Dallas Howard looking like they’re starring in a no-budget community theater production of American Hustle.

Pics: Splash

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