Looking hot’s arch nemesis Jared Leto is currently in Paris for Paris Fashion Week. And because Jared Leto is an artsy type who loves couture and looking a mess, he decided to stroll down la rue wearing what can only be described as what happens when fashion gets a rough case of food poisoning after eating some questionable buffet shrimp. I see a cape blanket thing, I see a tie-dye t-shirt, I see leggings, I see random zippers, I see more colors than an acid trip. I also see some greasy bubblegum pink Manic Panic hair buffoonery on the head of a 43 year old man, but I love my brain too much to start questioning why that is happening.
But back to that outfit. Suicide Squad wrapped filming back in August, so I have no idea why Jared Leto is still dressing like The Joker. Actually, no. The Joker wouldn’t. This is more like The Joker’s younger brother, The Jester (spelled Jesstyr, of course), who dropped out of Gotham Villain School to become an aspiring stylist in whatever Gotham’s version of Brooklyn is. I’m joking, but we all know that
if when Hollywood decides to reboot Suicide Squad four years from now for the Instagram generation, that will totally be the plot.
If you’re a ho (or a ho at heart) who woke up with a little extra pep in your step this morning, this would be the reason why. The Amber Rose SlutWalk was held in downtown Los Angeles earlier today by proud slut type Amber Rose to celebrate a slut’s choice to be a shameless tramp. Well, technically it’s a walk to fight against “sexual injustice, victim blaming, derogatory labeling and gender inequality” according to the Amber Rose SlutWalk website. But I can’t imagine she’d have a problem with my description of it, because there’s no shame in the tramp game.
To be completely honest, I am SHOCKED that this is what Amber Rose wore to the SlutWalk. This is downright demure compared to Amber Rose’s usual wardrobe. I was fully expecting her to march through the streets wearing nothing but a set of nipple pasties and a g-string made from a single piece of dental floss. Although I can’t totally hate on that black satin slip thing, because it looks like something Vampirella would wear to her great uncle’s funeral after her friends assured her it was modest enough, and that’s a pretty good look.
Of course, if seeing Amber Rose dressed in her boudoir best isn’t enough to warm your heart, please enjoy this picture of Amber Rose’s mama ripping a hot slutty fart all over Kanye West.
In case you’ve forgotten, “Fuck yo 30 showers” is a reference to the time Kanye hissed that he had to take 30 showers after he left Amber and got with Kim Kardashian. Sadly, Amber’s mom’s message will never reach Kanye, since Kanye’s assistant Kim will no doubt keep getting distracted by the exclamation point every time she tries to read it (“It’s my favorite cause it looks like a dick!“).
Here’s more of Amber Rose at the Amber Rose SlutWalk. Also, Nick Cannon was there. Sure, why not.
Eight months ago, Robin Williams’ kids found themselves in a truly awkward position after their stepmother (and Robin Williams’ wife of three years) Susan Williams started getting greedy and trying to grab more money from their part of their father’s will. At the time, Susan was pulling an “I don’t know them” every time Zachary, Zelda, and Cody Williams pulled up to the front gate to collect the stuff their dad left to them in his will, which is always a classy move. Well, eight months later, Page Six says that Susan and the Williams kids have finally reached a settlement.
According to Susan’s lawyer, Susan gets to keep the San Francisco Bay Area home that she shared with Robin and will get enough money to maintain the house for the rest of her life. No word on whether that’s Swiffer cloth cash or a full-time housekeeper cash, but I’m assuming it’s the latter. Susan also gets one of Robin’s watches, a bike they bought on their honeymoon, and all their wedding presents. Somewhere in a home in the San Francisco Bay Area, Susan’s lawyer is Photoshopping the words “$16.8 million dollars, Item No. 4528L” onto a Crate & Barrel gift receipt.
Page Six says both sides are happy with the outcome of the settlement, and the only thing left is for a judge to give it the OK. Zachary, Zelda, and Cody’s lawyer adds: “I think they’re just very happy to have this behind them.” I’d like to think that was shade, but it’s probably just the truth.
So there we go. The ghost of Robin Williams can finally sleep peacefully at night knowing his family isn’t fighting over petty shit anymore. Now he can start focusing on more important things, like reenacting episodes of Mork & Mindy with the ghost of Jonathan Winters for the angels in Heaven (please don’t try to convince me that’s not what he’s doing, it’s what I want to believe).
Well, this is…something. 32 year old father of three Scott Disick, seen above using his arms to show how big of a douchebag Scott Disick is, is apparently chasing his dead relationship with the least fame whorey (I CANNOT believe I just typed that) Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, with an 18 year old girlfriend. “Oh Scott, I knew you’d step up to the plate and give us something good to work with for the next season of KUWTK” cooed Scott’s former pimp-in-law Kris Jenner.
TMZ says Scott’s new girlfriend is a recently-legal blonde model from Canada named Lindsay Vrckovnik. They’re currently hanging out in Florida, because that’s what you do when you’re a 32 year old man who doesn’t have a job, I guess. TMZ has pictures of Scott and his new girlfriend frolicking on the beach, if that’s something you want to see.
I know there are grosser things than a 32 year old dating an 18 year old, but let’s put it into perspective. Scott’s new piece was 13 when his first kid was born. Scott was 14 when his girlfriend was born. Most importantly, Scott’s new girlfriend was barely a year old when Spice World was released. I mean, how the fuck do you relate to someone who wasn’t around when Spice World came out?
On the up side, Scott now has someone who will be there waiting in his hotel room to clean his ass up when he comes home drunk from the club, since his current girlfriend isn’t old enough to get in.
Speaking of 18 year olds who are dating grown-ass adult men with kids, here’s Scott’s former sister in law Kylie Jenner leaving a studio in Los Angeles yesterday.
Yes, Nicholas Brendon, aka Xander from Buffy, got arrested again, but this time it wasn’t for being a drunk mess at a Comic-Con. It’s actually for something a lot more sad. According to People, Nicholas Brendon was arrested on Wednesday night in Saratoga Springs, New York for choking out his girlfriend. Giles, drop whatever dusty book you’re reading and come get Xander.
Saratoga Springs police say they got a call around 11:30pm on Wednesday night about a domestic at a motel. When they arrived, they found a 33-year-old woman who said Nicholas got into it with her shortly after she tried to drop off some of his shit. She claims that when she tried to leave, Xander grabbed her car keys and smashed her phone. Then he got all ragey and allegedly started choking her before fleeing the scene. People says he was found a few blocks away and was arrested. UsWeekly adds that police told them “alcohol was involved” in the incident.
Nicholas Brendon has been charged with two counts of criminal mischief, one count of obstruction of breathing (which is the fancy law way of saying choking someone, I guess), and robbery in the third degree.
In case you’re keeping a tally, this is Nicholas Brendon’s fourth arrest in the past 12 months. The last time we heard from him, he had checked himself into rehab and was asking TV doctors to help him battle his demons. But as any of you who watch Dr. Phil know (not that that’s something you’d admit to, I know), Nicholas recently slapped at one of the hands trying to help him out by walking off a recent episode. So…he’s in a pretty shitty place. Once again, Giles – please come get Xander. Or anyone, really. At this point, I’d be ok with Dawn. Dawn, make yourself useful and come get Xander.
Mark Davis, the owner and managing general partner of the Oakland Raiders, and more importantly, the owner of a stunningly gorgeous ginger bowl haircut that was sent from the heavens to make the world a more beautiful place!
Mark Davis became the owner of the Oakland Raiders when his father died and he’s worth around half a billion dollars. Even though Mark Davis has money oozing out of his pores, he drives a 1997 Dodge Caravan, his minivan has a vanity plate that reads “R8HERS,” he carries a 12-year-old Nokia cell phone, he calls P.F. Chang’s one of his favorite restaurants, he wears a white fanny pack and he loves his exquisite haircut so much that he travels 500 miles to get it. This adonis is everything in a ginger hair bowl. I am in love and I’m mostly in love with that “Friar Tuck in Dumb and Dumber” haircut.
You’d think that angels travel from heaven to cut Mark Davis’ ethereal hair with a bowl and scissors made of solid gold, but a mere mortal actually styles that hair. In an amazing profile for ESPN The Magazine, Mark says that the artiste who cuts his hair is in Palm Desert, CA, which is 500 miles from Mark’s home. But traveling that far is absolutely worth it. Every time he goes to get his haircut, he sings, “I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, to be the man who has a bowl haircut that makes hos fall on the floor.”
Davis travels to Palm Desert to get it cut, just as he traveled to Chico from Oakland to visit a preferred barber long after he left college at Chico State. “I think he’s had three barbers since college,” [former Raiders wideout Cliff] Branch says. “If he likes something, he stays loyal.”
And who wouldn’t stay loyal to that hairstyle? Mark Davis is what you’d get if you morphed all of the Three Stooges together, and that is beyond the look. Dude is Rojo Caliente II.
Pics: AP, Getty
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Jake Gyllenhaal went on Conan O’Brien’s show last night to solve the mystery of how tall Jake Gyllenhaal is. That’s the dumbest mystery of all mysteries and what’s even more dumb is that Conan didn’t say, “Well, since I’ve got this measuring tape in my hands, you may as well take off your pants and chonies so we can measure something else…” – Lainey Gossip
Speaking of dicks, here’s a dick with a hard dick (and yes, I would) – Drunken Stepfather
Jill Zarin was in a car crash, but THANK GOD, she survived it and was well enough to speak to Radar about it – Reality Tea
Kate Winslet thinks she’s too smart for therapy, which probably means she needs a lot of therapy – Celebitchy
Oh, it’s just Scientology being Scientology – The Superficial
Leonardo DiCatchAHo didn’t want to share his vape pen with Miley Cyrus. Now, I don’t know if Miley Cyrus is gross for wanting to suck on Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s vape pen or if Leonardo DiCatchAHo is smart for not sharing his vape pen with Miley Cyrus – IDLYITW
I just stared at Kendull Jenner’s kamel toe for way too long – Popoholic
Selena Gomez wore some kind of Versace cheerleading uniform in Flare – Hollywood Tuna
Scott “Please Just Look Pretty And Don’t Speak” Eastwood is probably fucking that big-tittied blonde model who isn’t Kate Upton – Just Jared
Sean Hayes and his husband are lip dubbing again – Towleroad
Because humanity isn’t shitty enough…. – Egotastic
Chasing Life has quit chasing ratings and is done – SOW
WORST SOUL TRAIN LINE EVER – Jezebel
I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it X 10 – The Berry
Doctor Who is getting spun off – Pajiba
Another month, another motley crew of Hot Slut of the Days who are fighting for the title of Hot Slut of the Month! And by “fighting” I mean “not doing anything,” because all of them don’t know and don’t care about this shit. But some of us do, which is why I suggest that you thoroughly research each candidate before voting. Or just close your eyes, press a finger against your screen and vote for whichever one you’re touching. That’s how I decide who to vote for in the presidential elections.
This month’s HSOTM battle has two saints, an asshole and a fashion icon in it. As always, three of the finalists were chosen based on Facebook likes and the fourth one was picked by me. I picked Eric the Asshole Bird, because we speak the same language. The finalists are:
Eric the Asshole Bird – The feathered bitch from Australia who cursed out the family dog and who would be Dlisted’s Speaker of the House if there was such a thing.
Sandra Garratt’s Multiples – The stunningly casual 80s fashion collection of easy-to-wear multiples that Kanye West wishes and dreams he created.
Tillie – The modern day Lassie who stayed by her best friend’s side as that pooch was stuck in a cistern for a week.
Eugene Bostick – The Dog Saint of Texas who built a doggy train for all of the abandoned dogs he’s taken in.
You can vote below. The winning HSOTM will be announced next Friday!