The DNC Will Tell Kanye West To Shut Up And Rap

September 29, 2015 / Posted by:

The current President of Delusion and future President of the United States, Kanye West, is supposed to perform at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser in San Francisco next month, because I’m guessing he’s going to try to destroy the Democrats from the inside so Ben Carson, the presidential candidate that makes his b-hole tingle, gets the presidency and will make him VP. Or better yet, Secretary of Sweatshirts. But Page Six says that the DNC is ready for Kanye and will tell him to stick to rapping and to keep his opinions about the country to himself.

Page Six says that the DNC knows that Kanye’s rants are weapons of mass destruction capable of destroying thousands of brain cells in one attack, so they have already made plans to tell him to hit the STFU switch on his mouth when he’s near President Obama. The STFU switch on Kanye’s mouth has been broken for a long time, so that’s going to go well. The source put it like this:

“There will be restrictions . . . Kanye won’t be able to lecture the president about how to run the country.”

Like most days, I was at Target the other day and some little kid was playing with the towels, which made his mom say, “Stop playing with those towels now.” That kid obviously doesn’t have an abuelita in his life, because he kept playing with the towels before pushing them to the floor. At that moment, I realized that parents need a distress signal in the form of a chancleta symbol on a searchlight that they can shine into the sky when they need the AJL (Abuelita Justice League) to show up and sort out their brat. But anyway, Kanye is that kid at Target. When you tell him not to do something, he’ll not only do it, but he’ll do it extra.

So the DNC is going to have to bring out the big guns to deal with Kanye. When Kanye starts ranting into Obama’s ear about how all clothes, except for sweatshirts, should be made a illegal, the Secret Service should bring out Patti LaBelle who’d shut that bitch down and kick him out of the building like only Patti LaBelle can. Miss Patti is our only hope.

And here’s our future president and future First Lady Kummy Kakes shooting their reality shit show yesterday. Fuck, sweatshirts. The best and most important thing on earth is Lucite. Lucite isn’t only the most elegant material on the planet, but it’s also the strongest, because only it can (barely) hold that much fame whore without totally cracking.

Pics: Splash,

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