Open Post: Hosted By A Dude At A Gas Pump Trying To Kill A Spider With Fire

For those of you looking at this situation and thinking “Florida? This happened in Florida, right?“, well I’ll have you know it actually happened in Detroit. But I’m sure this exact same scenario has happened in Florida too, because why wouldn’t you try to kill a spider hanging around your gas tank by lighting it on fire? According to Fox 2 Detroit, this shit happened when one of Charlotte’s babies crawled on to the car seen above and scared the shit out of the dude who was pumping gas into it. Obviously he missed the class in life that taught you fire and gasoline don’t mix, because he decided to kill it with a lighter, and his car lit up like Johnny Storm’s farts.

Eventually a gas station employee named Susan Adams saw what was happening, and she hit the gas automatic stop button and called the fire department. Fox 2 says the pump was destroyed (DUH) and that spider dude is sorry and blamed it on a fear of spiders.

Sadly, I can relate to this. I too am next level afraid of spiders. One time I found a baseball-sized cluster of spiders over the door to my garage, and I flipped out. I grabbed the closest thing to me (a jug of bleach) and frantically tried to empty it on them. But because gravity it a thing, all the bleach ended up on me and none on the spiders. To make matters worse, the bleach splash made them all angry and they descended upon me. If I had a lighter, my dumb scared ass probably would have tried burning them too. So yeah, spider dude, I feel you.